Nineteen
“I was a mess, too,” Miles said.“Especially when Bella was little.It’s so hard when they’re small and people tell you to enjoy every moment.It only makes you feel more guilty when most of the time, you’re barely surviving.”
Annie turned her head to look at him.He was so close to her.So close she could almost kiss him.“Well, you were grieving, too.”
“And you’re not grieving?”He turned to her, scrunching up his beautiful face.“I know it’s not the same, but you went through a divorce.You lost the person you thought Roy was, and you lost the life you thought you’d have.”
It was no good looking into his eyes like this, especially when he looked into her mind like that.
She turned back to face the milky white sky above her.“Stop being so empathetic.You’re going to make me spill my guts to you.Again.”
His laugh rang out, deep and long.“That’s not my intention.”
“Good.”She didn’t need to tell him about her problems.No one needed to hear the thoughts that swirled around in her head.
“You’re allowed to talk about it, though.You should know that,” he said.
She was silent for a long while, his words working past her defenses, past her excuses.
Finally, she said, “I don’t have time to grieve that life.”
The words hung between them.She looked over at him and he was propped up on one arm, watching her intently.
She went on.“It’s Noel and Leon’s lives I grieve.What type of family are they going to have?It doesn’t escape me that Roy is not a dedicated father.”A sigh hissed out of her, leaving her as deflated as she felt.“What type of dad did I pick for them?”
“That is not your fault,” Miles said firmly.“None of us know what kind of parents we’re going to be until we get there, let alone what kind of parents our partners will be.”
“I feel like,” she said slowly, “I should’ve known he was going to run for the hills.Somehow.There should’ve been a sign.I must have missed it.”
He remained quiet, eyes intent on her.After a moment, he said, “I know I’ve told you this before, but there’s a reason for the old joke about men leaving to get milk and never coming back.It’s essentially what my dad did and—listen, I know it doesn’t make a disappointing parent any less disappointing—but it’s common.So common.And it’s not your fault.”
How heartbreaking that it was common, and that it had happened to Miles, and Noel, and Leon.
But if it was common, it meant people survived it, right?
Miles had survived it, and had gone on to be the most wonderful man on the planet.
Another meteor streaked across the sky.Her cheeks were frozen; her nose had to be bright red with cold, but she didn’t care.She was witnessing a miracle in the quiet, expansive universe, and she was experiencing it with Miles.
“I saw that one,” he said.
She looked over – his huge form lying next to her, his broad shoulders just touching hers, his chest rising and falling.What would it be like to lay her head on his chest, close her eyes, and drift to sleep?It would be the best rest she’d had in years.
“Why can’t Roy be like you?”Annie said, then regretted it as soon as she said it.
“You mean what Bella would tell you is an overprotective, cloying nuisance?”Miles suggested.
Annie scoffed.“No, that’s not you.Not at all.I’m sorry to inform you of this, but you’re like the perfect dad.”
He leaned in closer, their faces almost touching.“The perfect dad,” he repeated with a laugh.“Tell me more about how perfect I am.”
She lightly shoved his shoulder.He didn’t move.“It’s true.I’m embarrassed to even tell you about Roy.You must think he’s a monster, and that I’m – ”
“I can assure you, I’m not perfect.I don’t always do what I should.”
“Oh, you mean sometimes you run into the fire only ten times instead of eleven?That you only save the kittens and not the pet fish?”
“No.”His voice was deep now, gravelly.“Sometimes I do things I know I shouldn’t.”
