Annie didn’t think it wasthatfunny, but she appreciated the laugh.Lauren was like that.She smiled easily, laughed easily—she just seemed happy.
Did Annie seem happy?Wasshe happy?
Happiness was what everyone wanted, but so much of the time she felt overwhelmed and guilty and over-wrung, like a towel with every last drop squeezed out.
She didn’t want to be this way.How could she be more like Lauren?Lauren, withfourchildren, was always laughing and had perfect hair and stylish clothes and was so, so kind.
Maybe it was experience.Her youngest was in the same class as Leon and Noel, which was where Annie had met her.She’d already raised three kids past this age.That had to count for something, right?
They’d done a few playdates at Lauren’s house.Leon loved her son, and Annie loved going over there.
Lauren’s older kids were sweet and polite.Her eldest daughter always wanted to play with Noel, and she was so gentle and creative.Lauren’s husband was sweet and attentive, insisting on making lunch and firing up the grill.He was a real family man, the kind of guy Annie thought Roy would be once they had kids.
Instead, for whatever reason, Roy had cracked into pieces and ran off.
Annie shook her head and snapped herself out of it.She didn’t want to stoke any jealousy about her friend.
“Do they think they’ll have it fixed for good?”Annie asked.
This was the third time Annie had given Lauren a ride to pick up the car from the mechanic.It seemed whenever one issue was fixed, another cropped up.
Lauren waved a hand.“Who knows?Every time they promise me it will be the last visit.At what point do I stop putting money into this car?”She rolled her eyes.“We just can’t afford a new one right now.”
“I hear you on that.”
Annie wasn’t jealous of Lauren in a spiteful way.If anything, Annie admired her.Desperately admired her.
She wanted to be like her, more carefree, more even-tempered, more spontaneous.She wanted to be the fun mom.
“My parents offered to loan me one of their cars, but they don’t understand what irreversible damage four children will do to the interior,” Lauren said with a laugh.“Perry’s parents only have the one car – you know, their minimalist lifestyle, which I totally get.But wouldn’t it be nice if they had an extra minivan lying around?”
Annie smiled.“Did you ever think you’d hear yourself saying those words?”
“Never!”Lauren leaned forward and turned up the dial on the radio.“Ilovethis song!”
Annie hadn’t even noticed there was music.She was still thinking about how involved all four grandparents were in Lauren’s life.Every time Annie visited, there was at least one set of grandparents present, if not both.
That had to take a lot of the load off.To have people around, always available to make food or wipe faces or babysit.
Annie couldn’t even coordinate a time to get her hair cut.Her mom had been helping before her fall, but she felt guilty enough about that.Now, she had no one.
The haircut would have to wait.She’d considered taking scissors to the annoyingly long locks herself, but she knew she’d look deranged.
There was so much joy in Lauren’s house.Bickering, of course, but that was family.What kind of family would Noel and Leon end up with?
Her heart constricted in her chest.She had to remind herself that even if she had stayed with Roy, his plan was to keep an apartment on the mainland and use the island as his “home base.”There was no promise that he’d even be around…
Her mom would be back soon.She was days away from discharge.Margie promised she had a guy to help prepare the house for her arrival.Annie had no idea how she would pay him, but she would figure something out.
They arrived at the car shop and Annie pulled into the lot.
“Thanks so much, girl.”Lauren said, opening the door.“Do you want to come over with the twins next weekend?I’m going to do a little Halloween thing.Pumpkin painting, cookie decorating.”
“Sure!They’ll love it.”
Annie would love it too.It made her feel more normal to be around other families with kids, even if it meant falling behind on the never-ending dishes and laundry.
“Great.Just show up whenever on Saturday.I’ll see you later.”
