Hatred fills me.
As I finally start toward the stairs, the only thing I know with absolute certainty is that nothing about my work will ever be normal again.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Blue
For a moment, I don't know where I am. A luxurious, warm weight blankets me. My muscles aren't vibrating, and my thoughts aren't racing. The twitching has disappeared from my eyelids. And I'm no longer floating in a haze where the world tilts sideways.
I blink at the ceiling, confused at how soft and still everything feels, with my room coming into view. Then it all comes back in a slow, intoxicating wave, as bright as if it's happening right now.
Red's hands are all over me.
His voice tells me he wasn't going anywhere.
Then his mouth takes mine, burning my body just as I always imagined.
A smile stretches across my face before I can stop it. I curl deeper into the pillow, letting the memory take on a life of its own and hearing the low, helpless sound he made when I kissed himback. Tingles erupt on my cheek, replaying the way his breath shuddered against my skin. I reach for the back of my hair, electrified by the way his hand tightened in it, as if screaming I'm his to control without speaking a word.
My heart flutters so hard, my chest lifts.
He kissed me.
For real.
It wasn't a dream or fantasy I stitched together in my head. His mouth actually claimed mine, and my body reacted like I'd been waiting twenty-five years for that exact moment.
I press my fingers to my lips, still tender from his. Heat blooms under my skin. Then I roll over and find a piece of paper on the nightstand.
My pulse jumps. I sit up too fast, the edges of the room blurring for a second from how deeply I slept, then snatch the note. The handwriting is clean and controlled.
Blue,
You finally got some sleep. That matters more than anything right now.
I stayed until you were out. I'm going home to get a few hours myself, but I'll still be here for our next session. We'll talk then about how to keep you safe and stable going forward.
Eat something when you wake up. Drink water. No caffeine today.
– Red
My breath catches on the last line. He didn't sign it, Dr. Mercer. He signed itRed.
Heat surges through me, warm and dizzying. I slowly trace the letters with my fingertip, savoring their shape.
He wanted me to wake up to this and know he stayed.
Red cares about me.
He loves me.
A tiny sound escapes my throat. It's a half laugh, half gasp, and I flop back onto the bed, holding the note against my chest.
He left me a love letter!
I look over at the space beside me where he sat. I can almost feel him, even though I was in a haze.
His broad shoulders hunch forward, hand in mine, face tight with concern. And then he leans forward and kisses my forehead.
