He tenses, but he doesn't pull away.
My breath quickens. His eyes drop to my mouth before he snaps them back up to mine. It's a flicker so fast, he probably thinks I didn't see it.
I did.
The air crackles with something electric, forbidden, irresistible.
He came into my apartment.
He fed me.
He's staying.
This is how things begin.
Red slides closer to the end of the couch, as if the cushions will protect him, taking controlled breaths. But his spine is toostraight. He fights himself, and I can see it. So every second of it makes the air thicker.
I wait him out, too electrified to speak.
He finally says, "You should lie down. You need rest."
"I can't. Not yet."
His brow furrows. "Why not?"
I swallow hard. My heart beats so loudly, I'm sure he hears it. "Because I need something first."
He shifts, wary. "What do you need?"
My voice is soft, shaky, but certain. "A kiss."
His entire body goes still.
The silence between us cracks like ice.
His voice is too low, too tight. "I can't do that."
I eliminate the distance between us. I drag my finger over his chin, urging, "You can. You just don't want to admit it."
His jaw flexes, but he shakes his head. "It's not appropriate. It crosses every line. It would be taking advantage of you."
I argue, "No, it wouldn't. It would give me one thing I've never had."
He stares at me.
I murmur, "I'm twenty-five, and I've never been kissed. I don't even know what it feels like. And I can't sleep. Not tonight, or ever, without knowing what it's like to kiss a man. And I choose you, Red."
His chest rises sharply, like the words punched the air out of him.
"I can't do that, Blue," he says, but it doesn't sound convincing.
I breathlessly permit, "You can. Please. Just once. So I can stop imagining and finally rest."
He drags a hand over his mouth, exhaling through his fingers as though he's praying for strength. He mutters, "This isn't fair."
I gently graze my fingers down his arm, retorting, "Nothing about this is fair. But you're the one I trust. You're the one I saved myself for without realizing it. And I'm asking."
His eyes close. His throat moves slowly and torturously. He swallows, then his voice comes out ragged. "If I kiss you, everything changes."
