I could end this now with one call, a firm conversation, and a clean, devastating decision.
Instead, I sit there, motionless, phone face up on the desk, knowing exactly how dangerous the silence I'm choosing really is, but I can't change it.
Then clarity makes my chest tighten.
The hardest part isn't wanting her. It's how much of me wants to be exactly what she's daring me to become.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Blue
Every second ticks closer to the moment I've waited for my entire life. But I don't rush. And that's how I know this is real.
Red's house is quiet when I step inside. The door shuts behind me with a soft, final click that sends a ripple through my spine. I stand there for a moment, hand still on the knob, breathing in air that's clean, faintly masculine, and unmistakably Red.
My Red.
It settles into me, loosening something tight and wound too far inside my chest, mixing with my quivering body.
It's not nerves or fear. It's anticipation so intense, it feels physical, like something pressing outward from beneath my skin.
I go into Red's room, stand in front of the oversized mirror, and undress. I pull the white lingerie out of my bag, step into it, and take a deep breath.
It feels almost ceremonial against me, the fabric hugging every curve like it knows exactly why it's here. The luxurious, delicate, rose lace showcases my nipples and V's straight to Red's gift.
Tonight it's finally happening!
Time turns still. I close my eyes, imagining Red pushing inside me, gripping his shoulders to steady myself from his girth and length. My butterflies take over, torturing me until I feel dizzy, and I open my eyes, reaching for the wall to steady myself.
I swallow hard, blinking until my reflection returns. I turn my ass, admiring the way the thin string of lace fits perfectly and the shift of weight sends sparks up my legs. I squeeze my thighs together and breathe through it, heart stuttering, then I reach for the white dress, sliding it over my head and staring.
The sweetheart neckline, soft spaghetti straps, and swishy skirt drapes fluidly, clinging slightly before releasing innocently.
"Perfect," I praise, giving myself another glance over, then pinning my hair in a messy updo that Red can take down or leave up.
Another round of butterflies taunts me. Every nerve turns higher, every sensation sharpens enough to steal my breath.
I take another moment to calm myself, then move into the kitchen, barefoot on the cool floor, the contrast making me shiver again. My reflection flashes in a dark window, highlighting wide eyes, flushed cheeks, and parted lips.
"I look like a virgin," I proudly say to myself, sure Red is going to lose his mind.
Heat pools low and heavy in my core. I go into the living room, my pulse loud in my ears, breath uneven, and glance at the clock.
He should be here soon.
For the next ten minutes, I pace, picturing him walking in and the way his posture changes as he braces for control. I assume his gaze will sharpen, like when he's fighting himself. And the thought sends another tremor through me so strong this time, my knees threaten to buckle.
I grab the counter, staring at the bedroom door.
I barely hear the front one open. But I feel him. My flutters beat harder, and the air shifts, pressure rolling through the room like something heavy has entered orbit.
My heart slams so hard, it knocks the breath from my lungs. I turn slowly, deliberately, letting him see me exactly as I am.
He freezes.
The look on his face is everything. Shock hits, then recognition. Then something darker slides underneath it all, hinting at a dangerous and tightly restrained Red.
"Blue," he says, my name low and controlled, like he's testing it in his mouth.
