“Sooo,” Rain sing-songs, glancing sideways at Emma, who gives him a subtle nod. “I think it’s about time you tell us what’s going on with you and a certain hunky doctor, don’t you.”
I’ve been expecting this interrogation, and since we’ve discussed the proposal, the wedding, Emma’s last fuck – epic, by all accounts – my progress in therapy, Rain’s progress in therapy, my newly minted career goal, the case against Dan, and the whereabouts of his fucking brother, there really isn’t anything left for us to cover.
“There’s not really a lot to say,” I hedge. It’s not that I don’t trust them to keep what we discuss between us, Rain especially, since he’spractically family to Nash, it’s more that I don’t want to face just how much I miss being around him.
“Bullshit.” Emma coughs around the word, then tilts her head at me in a ‘bitch please’ gesture I’ve seen from her a thousand times.
“Come on, babe,” Rain insists. “We’ve seen his googly eyes around you. He barely let you out of his sight at his birthday.”
“Oh, and there was the way he tried to eat your tonsils in his driveway,” Emma adds with a wink. She saw that?
I sigh. “Look, we both have feelings for each other, and we’ve kissed a couple of times. But that’s it. Nothing else has happened,” I say, taking another sip of my wine. “Nothing else physical anyway,” I mumble.
“What’s that now?” Emma asks, leaning into my side to rest her face obnoxiously on my shoulder.
I know I’m not getting out of this conversation. I close my eyes for one, two, three seconds, taking a deep breath to fortify myself.
“I’m pretty sure I’m in love with him, but I can’t go back until Dominic isn’t an issue anymore. Nash just adopted Nancy. I can’t take the risk that something could happen to him,to her, if Dominic thought they were leverage to get to me. Fuck knows what his psycho arse is thinking. All I know is, I fell in love with the right guy at the wrong time, and now I’m just waiting for the day he doesn’t write back to me because he met someone else, someone who doesn’t have a psycho ex-shaped albatross around their neck, and he now wants nothing more to do with me.”
They’re both silent at my outburst, a mixture of emotions crossing both their faces. Pity, maybe? Understanding, perhaps? No, just humour. Peals of laughter burst from both of them, and they crash into one another on the floor. They are literally rolling on the floor laughing at me. I cross my arms over my chest, a frown weighing down my face, as I wait for the apparent hilarity to calm.
“Fuck’s sake, babe. If you think that man could or would ever look at someone else, then you haven’t been paying attention.” Rain wheezes between words as Emma tries and fails to straighten her face.
“Seriously, Corey. I met the man for like twenty-four hours in total, and he is the most smitten kitten to ever smit… smite? Smit?”
“Listen to me when I tell you this, OK? Nash is in love with you, even if he hasn’trealised it himself yet. Whenever you text or call him when he’s with us, his face lights up like a Christmas tree. And then he just stares at his phone, watching the dots bounce, waiting for you to text him back. He never shuts up about you, and even Nancy keeps asking when you’re coming home so ‘Daddy can stop talking about Bunny and just be his boyfriend instead’.”
I could probably catch flies with how wide open my mouth is hanging, and a flutter of hope tries to take off in my belly, that goddamned kaleidoscope of butterflies making themselves known again.
“What?” I finally manage to squeak.
“Lemme get this straight,” Emma says, before polishing off her glass of wine. “You’re in love with Nash?”
I nod.
“OK, and Nash is in love with you?”
Rain nods. I shrug self-consciously, but with so much fucking hope I could cry.
“And you’re doing loads better after therapy, and you know what you want to do with your career?”
“Pretty much,” I reply.
“So then, why the fuck are ye still livingin Coventry when you could be in that picture postcard village with a gorgeous man, an even more gorgeous little girl, and basically everything you’ve ever wanted?”
“Because I never get the happy ending, OK,” I shout.
This time, they really are silent.
“Every time in my life that I thought I might be OK, something happened that turned my life upside down again. I don’t think I would survive it if I tried for a happy ending with Nash, and Dominic turned up to fuck it all up for me.”
“So, you’d rather not try?” Rain asks gently.
I cover my face with my hands and cry. My friends immediately realise this is no longer a laughing matter and sandwich me between them on the sofa.
“I fucking miss him so much. We haven’t even had sex or anything, literally just a couple of kisses, but the way he makes me feel safe, seen, special… It’s like nothing I’ve ever known before.”
“You are special, babe,” Rain whispers, and I lean into him.
