“No, that’s so fucking cool! Is that where he took you? To the beach? At sunrise? To see the seals?” He is not subtle.
“Yes, Rain. That’s where he took me. To the beach, at sunrise, to see the seals. And it was incredible.”
“I bet it was,” he mutters.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Babe, come on. Nash is fit, you’re cute, and that is the most romantic first date I’ve ever heard of.”
I shove him over to the other side of the sofa we’re sharing, the bowl of popcorn on his lap teetering precariously. He manages to prevent it toppling altogether, but a few kernels fall to the floor, and Pax wastes no time in cleaning them up.
“It wasn’t a date,” I retort. “Even if I might have wanted it to be,” I say under my breath.
The television pauses, the screen frozen on an image of Dawn French mid-Brussels sprout eating contest, in the Christmas special we’re watching.
“What was that?” Rain asks, even though I know damn well he heard me fine the first time.
I sigh. He’s not going to let this go. Fuck, he’s like a dog with a bone.
“Look. Yes, I find Nash very attractive, and yes, he was very kind to me when he checked me over, and afterwards. And yes, taking me to see the seals this morning was really kind and could have been romantic, but…” I trail off, not willing to accidentally announce that now would be a terrible time for him to pursue a relationship with anyone because he’s about to welcome a child into his life. “But I’m not in a place where I can look at anyone like that. Fuck knows what Dominic is up to.”
I feel a modicum of guilt because I don’t want to scare Rain or make him more worried about Dan resurfacing, but this is the reality of our situation. He swallows, and the click of his dry throat is audible.
“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to bring it all up, but the reality is that they may well be looking for us. I think we’ve done a good job of not being found, but you never know.”
He sighs.
“I know,” he says, his voice empty. “I don’t like to think about it, but I know you’re right. But…” He turns to face me and takes both of my hands in his, squeezing them tightly. “I don’t like to think that you’re closing yourself off from something if you like someone.”
“I’m not. It’s just bad timing. And let’s be honest, Nash is a competent man, a doctor no less, with a beautiful house and an incredible career. What would he ever see in someone like me?” I ask the question, but I don’t really want an answer. I already know it. He wouldn’t be.
“What? Someone gorgeous, sweet, kind, funny, thoughtful, caring… the list goes on and on, babe. Don’t sell yourself short.”
“I’m not…I just—”
“You are. You always did. And I won’t have it. We both put up with far too much for far too long, and it made us think of ourselves in a way that wasn’t accurate or even close to how others see us.”
My throat closes around the lump forming there, and I shut my eyes to stop any rogue tears that may try to escape.
“You are amazing. An incredible friend, even when you’re not given the space to show it, and I am so happy to know you. Not only that, but I thought Nash was straight until he looked at you like he wanted to eat you up. Aidan was shook, let me tell you.”
“He told me he’s bi like it wasn’t news, so I’m surprised Aidan doesn’t know.” As soon as I say it, I have to wonder if I really am all that surprised. Nash hasn’t told his brothers about this momentous thing he’s doing in his life, and he was married to his high school sweetheart, then focused on the adoption, so is it really hard to believe that he has compartmentalised to that degree? I think that’s probably the most ‘Nash’ reaction I could imagine, actually.
“So, what’s stopping you even exploring something. It doesn’t have to be some love at first sight thing, you know,” Rain says unabashedly, and I grin at him.
“Not like you and Aidan?”
“Precisely. I’m an expert.” He smugly flicks a piece of popcorn into his mouth, and I can’t help but laugh. I love this man.
“Riiight,” I drawl, and he grins at me. “He friend-zoned me pretty hard, so even if I were in a place to explore anything, he isn’t, and he made that pretty clear. Rain gets thoughtful for a second before grabbing and squeezing my thigh almost painfully.
“I have a plan,” he says, eyes glinting mischievously. “You need to send him photos of yourself in all manner of cute outfits, and tease him until he can’t resist you.”
I have one eyebrow in my hairline, and another in a frown of derision as Rain speaks, and I scoff a laugh.
“Yeah, no. I’m not doing that.”
He pouts at me, but ultimately doesn’t press his ‘plan’ any further.
