Memories flash—the empty bedroom, the locked door, the sound of his breathing.
“He tried with me, thought that he could get away with it like he probably has a hundred other times. But I was raised in Hollywood, and I knew what to do. Mention a few other names, heavy hitters, people I claimed were close family friends.”
I look at Noah and shrug. “Most of it was a lie, but I know how these men operate and what will scare them. And that’s anyone who wields more power.”
“You stood up for yourself,” Noah says.
“I protected myself, but after I got out of that party, after I was out of harm’s way, I never said anything. Not a word to anyone.”
If you want to get ahead, you have to get along.
I shut my eyes and shake off the sound of my mother’s voice.
“But keeping my mouth shut was the wrong thing to do. It made me complicit.”
“No, it?—”
“Yes.” I cut Noah off. “I should have warned other women. They call it the whisper network, letting people know who to watch out for. At the very least, I should have warned Mackenzie. I grew up in that world, but she didn’t. She thought she was safe. With theMe Toomovement and so many people speaking out, she thought things were different from before. But they’re not.”
My words flow in a stream, quick and emergent. As if I’m purging toxins and have to get them out as fast as possible. “Things haven’t changed. Not really. The monsters are still there.” I grind my teeth. “They just got smarter.”
Noah tries again. “None of what happened to your friend is your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
I stare at the wall, unable to look at him or accept his absolution.
“But I did.” A tear rolls down my face. “All I had to do was tell her to be careful, to watch out for him. But I was afraid. I was worried she’d tell someone else and word would get around. I bluffed the producer once, at that party, but if he found out I’d bad-mouthed him, he would destroy my career.”
A scornful laugh bubbles out of me. “Mycareer.I put my own self-interests over Mackenzie’s safety. Now she’s the one who might be ruined. She’s the one who washurt. Because of me.”
“Because of him,” Noah insists. “You kept quiet because of fear. He did what he did, because he’s evil.” For the first time, Noah touches me, his fingers grazing my hand. “There is no comparison.”
“She’s not talking to me now.” Sniffing, I dab my face and continue the purge. Sharing my truth with Noah is cathartic, and now I can’t stop. I want to tell him the rest.
I want to tell him everything.
“She confided in me, and I told her I wasn’t surprised. That made her furious. She wanted to know how I could have let her go away for the weekend, to an island, with all of the cast andcrew. When I knew what he was like. That he might try to coerce her into bed. Find her alone and tell her she’d be smart to keep him happy.”
Nausea licks at my stomach and I cringe. “Just like he did me.”
“You told her what he did to you?”
“No.” My voice is soft, full of shame. “I never got the chance. She left the set that day, then all hell broke loose.” I release a long sigh. “Two days later, I was standing at the gates of Maison Marteau.”
Feeling wrung out and empty, I lean my head on the soft couch. “I’ve been a ticking time bomb ever since. Getting the audition helped for a while. It was a nice distraction, but with Alice and Ric, the talk of murder and vampires?—”
“Wait.” Noah doesn’t try to hide his shock. “You know about the vampire thing?”
“I never believed it, and now that I know about your ancestor, that he had Renfield’s Syndrome, it makes a lot more sense.”
“Okay.” He nods. “Sounds like you’ve heard a lot.”
“I heard some things. Others I found out for myself,” I admit. “And I’ve snooped around the apartment looking for a journal that I’m not sure even exists.”
When he looks confused, I say, “Alice told me Rose had found a journal when she was here. Supposedly, she’d read some awful things in it and was really scared. I told Alice I would look for it, but over time, I started to question whether or not she was telling me the truth. I think Rose might have left on her own and just didn’t tell her sister.”
I don’t mention a possible love interest, and Iwon’tbring up Luci.
That’s not my secret to tell.
