I stared at him, wondering if the drugs were making me hallucinate.
“What?”
“When you came in we had to run some tests before we could decide a treatment plan for you. One of your scans showed signs that you might be pregnant so we ran a blood test which came back positive. We’ve done an ultrasound that shows you in the very early stages. Probably around ten weeks.”
I shook my head. It couldn’t be true. Alfie looked at me, studying my face to see if I was lying.
“I’m on the pill. I haven’t missed one. I swear.”
“Are you sure?” The doctor asked and I nodded. “You haven’t missed a period?”
“No. I…the last one was a little late and lighter than usual but I put that down to stress. Things have been…stressful.”
The doctor gave a shrug. “Well, these things can happen.”
These things.I didn’t know why but I didn’t like the way he said it.
“I’m very sorry to tell you but I’m afraid we couldn’t find a heartbeat. It’s impossible to say whether you had lost it already or if it was caused by the accident. When I examined you, you had significant bruising to your abdomen that could explain it.”
They’d kicked me. One of them had punched and kicked me in the stomach until I couldn’t breathe. Was it the same one Maia had killed? I felt like I was going to vomit.
“As you haven’t started bleeding yet, with your consent, we’ll give you some medication to help you pass everything. You’ll be staying at least until tomorrow afternoon so we can keep an eye on you.”
It.
Pass Everything.
These Things Happen.
“Okay.” What else should I say?
Alfie asked more questions then but I didn't hear them.
These Things Happen.
I didn’t even notice when the doctor left. I just looked up and he was gone. Alfie was there, watching me slip in and out of my own body. I was pregnant. But I wasn’t.
“I didn’t do anything. I didn’t mess with your pills.” He spoke so quietly it took me a moment to register what he’d said.
“Of course you didn’t.”
I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to say.
“My necklace. Can I have it?” Somehow, I felt that everything would be able to get better if I could touch it. As if my mother had imbued it with some sort of magical protection spell.
“Maybe you should look at it later.” I stared at him and he only sighed, a sigh that said he’d given up on trying to shield me from more pain today. He reached into a pocket and pulled out the necklace. “I’m sorry, Lo.”
A pain ripped through my chest as I looked at the broken clasp, the cracked glass. It was ruined.
I felt a tear spill down the side of my face, catching in my hair. “I don’t know why I’m crying.”
“Because it’s sad.”
A simple answer. A simple truth. A little life had died. A life I didn’t even know anything about. That was always a sad thing.
I slept and of course, he was there when I woke up. Always. His back ramrod straight in the blue plastic chair.
I’d taken the medication and accepted the paper underwear with the giant sanitary pad in it. I felt wrong, deeply wrong inside. My body hurt everywhere but inside I was numb.
