Iwent to work on Monday morning as if nothing had happened, but inside everything felt different. My father was a liar and I was going to have to smile at my sister's wedding and pretend I didn’t know.
Worse, were those images. I couldn’t get them out of my head. I waited for a comment from Sid, for people to look at me as if they knew but…nothing. The world was oblivious to my turmoil.
Alfie and I had barely exchanged words. He left me outside to dig and dig until my palms cracked. I’d slept beside him, I wouldn’t deny him that, but I felt angry. The betrayal of what he’d done in the past was stinging me all over again. The resentment that this was happening because of who he was.
Then I blamed myself, feeling like a whore for going to the club in the first place, for putting myself at risk. It wasn’t fair. It didn’t make sense. Having sex with my fiance shouldn’t make me feel like a slut but I felt dirty about it now in a way that I knew Alfie didn’t.
I resented him for that too, resented that this wouldn’t decimate his career and reputation like it would mine. It wasn’t his fault. I knew I couldn’t turn against him, he would be tearinghimself apart over this, but right now, I just couldn’t hold space for the man that had violated me in the same way too.
He was already gone when I woke up this morning. I had dressed in a daze and didn’t talk to Maia the whole way here. I couldn’t face her now she’d seen me like that. She, along with the rest of the security team I had never met, will have been pulled into an emergency meeting with Alfie and Elliot and been shown blurred out images of…I couldn’t bear to think about it. I didn’t ask her for an update. I didn’t question the extra car that followed us back to Harrington, the black Sedan that had two men inside. Thomas and Joe were their names, they were younger versions of Elliot, just as big, just as mean-looking. Ex-special forces too. They were going to do a sweep of Harrington, Maia told me. To make sure no one had planted hidden cameras or bugs anywhere. That was smart. I hadn’t thought of that.
I was distracted from my spiral by a hand waving at me. I looked up to see Sid’s smiling face.
“What?”
“I said I’m gonna miss you. This being our last week. Or, our last week building anyway, next week is just maintenance. It’s been fun working with you.”
“Yeah, you too.”
“Wow. That sounded sincere.” He laughed but the humour didn’t quite reach his eyes. I immediately felt awful for being absorbed in my own mess.
“Fuck, I’m sorry. Shitty weekend.” I passed him the pliers, holding onto the step ladder so he could adjust the head of Mr Fox that for some reason had tilted over the weekend. “And I don’t plan on missing you, I very much plan on staying in touch. Oh!” I suddenly remembered the only good thing that had happened this weekend. “I got an opportunity floated to me recently that you might be interested in. Want to hear about it?”
He waved at me as he continued his work. “Float away.”
I filled him in on Grace’s suggestion that I make sculptures for weddings as well as the work I’d taken on for Natalie’s wedding.
“So, what do you think? Could I hire you to help me build the swans for Natalie’s wedding at least? If you don’t have anything else lined up.”
“I don’t have anything right now. I can give you some of my time. Though, building sculptures for fancy weddings is not exactly what my dreams are made of.” He huffed as he twisted the wire. “I want to create things that are going to be looked after for a long time, not thrown away as soon as the photos are taken. I want to dig in the dirt.”
“Me too but I need money first. This could be a good option, at least a temporary one.” I shrugged. “It’s just a thought.”
He gave me a look. “Do you really need the money?”
“I need to do my own thing. Alfie gets that.”
“If I had that man, I would never work another day in my life.”
“You call this work?” I joked as another bead of sweat poured from my hairline. Supporting the sculpture was heavy work.
By midday we had managed to get the sculptures restored to their pre-weekend glory. I sat at our workbench, typing up the description for the presenters to narrate. I read it out to Sid, hoping he would tell me it was great and I could stop tweaking it.
“‘Blush pink roses show off her petticoat, blending into the cloud white of her feathers’,” he mimicked me. “Very artsy, very descriptive.”
“I grew up onGardeners' World, what did you expect?” I stretched out my back and shoulders and relaxed back into my chair. Work had helped distract me from the horrible pit in my stomach but the second I got the chance to breathe, the dread came rushing back.
“I still say you should be the judge on this thing.”
“Stop, Imani’s a genius.”
“Yeah she is. But I prefer listening to you talk over her.” With a shake of my head, I sent him off to have lunch while I carried on keeping myself busy. I couldn’t eat right now.
I fussed in the work tent until I couldn’t fuss anymore, and eventually I decided to at least get myself something to drink, maybe try and force a snack down my throat. The Harrington kitchens were large but somehow cosy. I could imagine cooking here with Natalie and Ada. It was a nice thought.
Sid was out on the patio, letting the sun brown his skin while he enjoyed his sandwich. I opted to stay inside, as I was already a bright pink despite the sunscreen.
I sat at the kitchen counter, sipping on pineapple juice. My head was so filled with warring thoughts that I was relieved when Maia joined me. She helped herself to a glass of orange juice out of the fridge but didn’t say anything other than a quiet ‘hey.’ I didn’t mind her quiet presence anymore. When we first met, I’d found it unnerving. I was so used to Keira and her larger than life personality. I loved it but there was something to value in a gentle presence too. Maia was never far but today, she’d lingered closer than usual. Alfie’s orders probably.
