“Yeah. She’s an awesome grandma now. Just couldn’t be a mum. She had some issues, I suppose. Trauma and all that. Not my fault or my problem but it still affected me anyway.”
“I can relate to that,” I muttered. “How do you handle seeing her with your child? Aren’t you angry with her?”
“Not really anymore. I mostly just feel bad for her. She lost out because she couldn’t get her shit together. Now she overcompensates because she feels guilty. Getting to a point where I have a controlled amount of emotional investment has helped me. I don’t count on her to fill the hole she left behind because she can’t. I can definitely relate to wanting to punish the absent parent though. I had a lot of rage for a long time.”
“Yeah.” I was quiet for a minute. “I want to talk to him but every time I think about it, I feel like he doesn’t deserve it.”
“Yeah, he doesn’t but having that conversation isn’t about letting him off the hook, it's about giving yourself closure. Getting the answers you need. Fuck what he wants. Like I said, less emotional investment. If you stay invested in him being punished, in him being happy or sad, you will carry this shit forever. Talk to him for you, however you want to. Then move on. With or without him. Move on from this. Move on from being the child waiting for him to come home.”
‘Move on from being the child waiting for him to come home.’
His words cut me right to my core. Immediately, I could see myself. Four years old, watching out the window for him to come back. Fresh tears filled my eyes and I couldn’t fight them as they fell.
He flung a friendly arm around my shoulder. “I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to make you cry.”
“It’s okay.” I sniffed, wiping my face. “That’s helped a lot actually. You talk a lot of sense.”
“It happens, every once in a while—” he cut off and I followed his gaze. My stomach dropped as a pair of grey eyes pierced me, cutting from me to the man with his arm around my shoulders.
Great. More man trouble. And this time, it was kind of my fault.
Seventeen
‘When it rains it pours, at least in your world anyway.’Keira hadn’t been wrong.
My stomach clenched as I looked at Alfie.
“Can I help you?” Sid asked politely.
“Uh Sid, this is Alfie Tell. Alfie, this is Sid. He’s my assistant.”
“Oh! It’s great to meet you. I’ve heard good things.” Sid stepped forward, offering his hand. “I’m sorry if it looked like I was overstepping. She was just upset.”
I held my breath, waiting for the icy retort. To my surprise Alfie gave him a friendly nod and shook his hand. “That’s alright, I appreciate you looking out for her. It’s good to meet you too. I hope you’ve taken the time to tour the grounds properly.”
“I have! I’ve been a fan of Riley Fitzpatrick's work for a while. I’ll be sad to leave this place to be honest.”
“Well, when the hotel is up and running you’ll have to come and stay for the weekend. On me. Enjoy the place as a guest instead of a worker.”
I stared at the man in front of me. Since when was Alfie Tell friendly and affable to a man he’d found with his arms around me?
“Thank you!” Sid looked overjoyed. I didn’t blame him. Getting to spend a few days in the Harrington grounds was a dream for people like him and I. “I should get going. Lola, see you Monday?”
I waved him off and Alfie and I listened to the crunch of his footsteps as he left us alone. Alfie’s gaze settled on me, unwavering as always.
“That was polite of you,” I said. “Can’t say I was expecting that reaction. Or were you just saving all of your anger up for me?”
“I told you, I’m done with toxic bullshit. I wish you were too.”
His words knocked the wind out of me. “Excuse me?”
“Ignoring me for nearly two days. Cancelling our plans. It’s not healthy for us, Lola.”
“I didn’t cancel because I was avoiding you! I’m working.” I gestured at the giant elephant towering over us.
“It looks finished to me.”
“I forgot you were the expert. Let me show up to your office on Monday and tell you how to do your job.” I took a breath and tried to calm myself. I didn’t want to get into a screaming match. “Lying to me about my father for years wasn’t healthy for us either. I needed some time away from you, Alfie.”
