Our first kiss had been here. The first kiss of our marriage should be here too.
With reluctance, I returned to my companions who were waiting patiently, if not a little awkwardly with each other. The day was wearing on and I let Riley lead me to the house. I was just as awed by the interior of it now as I had been years ago.I felt as though I had stepped back through time into an old regency novel.
To my left I could see the gold ballroom, I remembered the painted ceiling from the first time I’d been in here and Alfie had asked me so intently if I’d liked it. As Riley led me up the grand oak staircase, I felt like I was walking with ghosts of my own. I’d forgotten how much of mine and Alfie’s story had been written here. Our laughter and anger and breathless cries of pleasure echoed everywhere.
I followed Riley through the maze of hallways until we reached the west wing. I don't know why I’d thought I’d be staying in a simple room. Of course Alfie had arranged a private wing for my visit. When Harrington officially opened as a hotel, I imagined these would be the most expensive rooms for the most expensive visitors, but for now they were mine.
The wing consisted of a bedroom, bathroom, a sitting room and a small library with a desk to work at. The rooms were decorated in a soft cream with deep green accents and plush rugs. Of course, Alfie had arranged for vases of bleeding hearts to be scattered about the place. The bed was large enough to fit four people and in the sitting area were deep green velvet couches. There was a small reading area and a very comfortable window seat overlooking the grounds, including the trees hiding our Evergarden.
I smiled as I looked around. I’d be happy living here.
Maia had her own room close by and she left to settle in and get some rest after her drive.
I unpacked and once my closet was full and I’d explored the rooms with the giddy excitement of a little girl, I sat in the bay window, staring out at the cluster of trees where our garden was hidden. It was a few hours before I was due to be at my old home and in this place, of course my thoughts wandered to Alfie.I wanted him. I always wanted him, but I especially wanted him now. It felt wrong to be here without him.
I pulled out my phone and sent him a text, telling him that I missed him. As always, he replied almost immediately.Just ask, I'll come to you.
It was tempting. So tempting. But Alfie had an empire to run and I had work to do. We would have to exercise a little self-control. I told him I would see him this weekend, then I put my phone away. I still had some exploring to do.
Enjoying the break from having Maia on my heels, I explored every inch of the interior of Harrington House. I found the office where Alfie had once teased me to tears and we'd eaten Chinese food.
I found the room that was now newly decorated, but once had been covered in dust sheets, where we'd made raw, passionate love.
I went up to the roof where we’d had our very first meeting together with Riley. Where Alfie had watched me and every word that I spoke. Where he had been so annoyed by the squeaking of my chair and I'd squeaked it more just to annoy him further. He'd offered to take me to Paris, he’d tried to seduce me and I’d asked him what kind of girl he took me for. I smiled thinking about it. I'd known then, from the second that I met him that my life had been u-turned in a new direction but I’d had no idea just how wild that ride would be.
Five
Iwasn't sure if Maia had strict instructions not to allow me out of her sight, or if she just didn't trust me to drive the Bentley alone, but either way she insisted on driving me to my old home for dinner with my family. I invited her in but she refused and said she would return when I was ready.
Ryan was running towards me before I even made it through the door. He’d clearly been watching through the window waiting for my arrival. He barreled into me and I scooped him up into a bear hug holding his little body close. My nephew was a wild creature. At almost eleven years old his hair was still sticking up on end and he still had dirt under his fingernails, just like his dad.
“Auntie Lo, I have a new chapter of my book for you to read. Have you read my other chapters? I keep sending them to you! Are you enjoying it?” Ryan bounced on his feet as he talked with more energy than he could contain.
“Yes, it's fantastic! I can't wait to read more.” I meant it too. Receiving new handwritten chapters complete with illustrations had become the best part of my week. He had a wild imagination and I hoped it would never change.
Ryan ran upstairs, feet thudding on each step, to fetch the new chapter of his book. I took a minute to breathe in the familiarity of my home. The old but ever comfortable couches, the wood burner and bare brick fireplace. Traces of my sister and nephew lay around too, toys and framed photos. But pieces of Riley were here now too. His laptop, his books on horticulture. It was so very bittersweet.
I went into the kitchen in search of my sister and found her standing at the stove.
“Hey, you.” Natalie pulled me in for a one-armed hug, her other hand still stirring the chilli.
My sister's dirty blonde hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail. She wore an oversized cardigan that I was pretty sure she had crocheted herself. For as long as I’d known her there had always been a tightness around her mouth, a reluctant companion to the kindness in her eyes. The tightness told of worry about money, about her son, about her family who had shamed her for having a child and not knowing where the father was. That tightness was gone now and I knew what had taken it away. The man sitting at the dining table. Riley looked perfectly at home here. It made my heart ache. This was my home, sort of anyway, but it also wasn't any more. Despite belonging to me on paper, it was home to a new family now.
“Hope you’re hungry. I made too much as usual.” She smiled. “I wondered if you’d be bringing Alfie with you.”
“No, no Alfie. He has work to do.”
She nodded with only the faintest stiffness in her smile. Now that she was privy to how Alfie had treated me, she wasn’t as warm to him as she’d been before, but Natalie was ever the peacemaker, so she would put on a show of support.
It was on the tip of my tongue to blurt out that I was engaged but I held it back. Not yet. I wasn’t ready yet.
I sat with Riley, catching up on the day and the stunning achievement of his creations. Ryan ran in with his story and he sat in my lap, feet tapping, his bony backside digging into my thighs as he read it aloud in an animated voice.
“Lo?” Natalie interrupted when we’d finally finished. “Do you want to go out and see your garden before dinner?”
I gave Riley a grateful smile when he distracted Ryan long enough for me to make my escape. I stepped out the backdoor but paused to look back through the window. I smiled at the happy family. It made me ache for my own. The one I wondered if I would have with Alfie.
I left them behind and crossed the lawn, heading for the gate buried in head-height hedgeways that led into my sanctuary. I stepped into my memory garden and released a breath. Riley had kept it beautifully. I knew that he would, but I had still carried a twinge of guilt that I wasn't here nurturing my mother's garden with my own hands. Still, the wedding cake tree stood proud and tall, gently swaying in the breeze. I sat on the bench, surrounded by beds of bleeding hearts of all colours.
