“I feel ready.”
She turned to look at me, her brown hair falling around her face. “For what?”
“For everything.” I smiled at her. “For the new turn in my career. I’ve ordered camera equipment, did I tell you? And I’ve started planning the first episode Sid and I are going to put together. Maybe it won't work out but I’m going to try.” It had become my new obsession. Maybe it was a distraction from everything that had happened or maybe I was just doing what I’d always done, taking my trauma and channelling it into making something new.
“I’m ready to be married. I’m ready to live here, if ‘here’ is where Alfie wants to be. I’m ready for our future, to get old, to get annoyed with each other.”
I breathed in the evening air. I could swear this place was magic the way it was healing my soul.
“Alfie told me once that the only thing our Evergarden was missing was children. That terrified me then but not anymore. I’m so sure of him now and I’m certain of my strength in a way I’ve never been before.” I met my friends eyes, deep and brown and as familiar to me as my own. “You don’t need to worry about me, Keira. I’m ready to live life without the training wheels now, like you always have.”
“Still, I’ll always be here. I’ll always needus.”
“Me too.” I slipped my hand into hers. “It doesn’t matter where you are, you know. New York or Mars, you’ll still be my favourite person.”
She nodded, squeezing my hand tight. She took a sip of her drink, tossing back the rum and coke so she didn’t cry.
“You’d be a good mother, Lola. Dating Moneybags has proved you’ve got the patience of a saint if nothing else.”
I burst out laughing and just like that, the tension of the moment melted away.
“By the way, did you ever go and get the ‘treasure’ from your old house?”
The treasure. I hadn’t thought about it in weeks. With everything that had happened, I’d just forgotten about it.
“Yeah, it’s in my luggage. Somehow Alfie hasn’t found it yet.” We’d promised each other no more secrets but maybe this little one could keep until our wedding day.
“Hey,” I said, “you called it my ‘old house.’ You’ve never said that before.” I didn’t like to think of my childhood home that way. It was still mine, my bedroom was still there and my name was still on the deed.
“Well it is, isn’t it? You don’t live there anymore and you aren’t going back? I know your memory garden is still there but that's not your home anymore, is it?”
I knew she didn’t mean for her words to hurt but they did all the same. Still, it was a good kind of hurt. The kind that told me I was letting go of something that I didn’t need to hold onto anymore. I didn’t need to clutch onto the memories of my mum and gran so tightly now.
“No, I suppose it’s not.” Maybe it was time for a conversation with Natalie about changing some paperwork.
Forty-Two
Ifelt a strange connection to Ireland. It was a place that half of my blood came from, yet I hadn't grown up here so it felt intrusive to claim it as my own. I bonded to Ryan that way. It was his too in the way it was mine, ours but not quite.
I felt lighter than I had in weeks. My face had mostly healed, leaving behind only a yellow-ish tinge that could be hidden by make-up. The confused grief of our loss wasn’t as sharp as it had been either. I felt ready to move on into the new life Alfie and I were building.
My jaw dropped as we arrived at the site for Natalie’s reception. I’d seen pictures online of the place but nothing compared to the beauty of seeing this castle set in rolling Irish hills in real life. I felt like I was having deja vu. Discovering Harrington for the first time but this time in Dublin.
“Do you think she will like it?” Alfie asked. I thought he was joking but when I looked at him I could see he was apprehensive.
“Alfie, she’s going to lose her mind.” We got out of the car and I stood, staring up at the building. Before I could bask for too long, Keira’s voice broke the silence.
“Holy shit!” she yelled as she climbed out of Damien's car. “Good job, Moneybags!”
We’d travelled as a group to Ireland early this morning so that we could have the day to get ready for the wedding tomorrow. Alfie and I in one car with Elliot and Ada. Keira and Damien followed behind and Natalie, Riley, Ryan and my father were in a third car.
I watched them arrive and instead of worrying about facing my father, I focused on the joy on my sister's face as she saw the castle for the first time.
Natalie was already crying before she stepped out of the car. “This is it? Really?” She was jumping on her toes like a child at Christmas. She flung her arms around Alfie. “Thank you!”
I beamed at Alfie. He had come a long way from the man I’d first met who struggled to smile, let alone embrace somebody.
Two women came out to greet us, one with a thick Irish accent who introduced herself as the manager of the estate. The second was the wedding planner Grace had gifted to Natalie. As they chatted, welcoming the bride and groom, my thoughts drifted a little.
