“I’m not lying to you. I’mnot.”
They stared at each other. Macy was the one who glanced away first. Her shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry. I got a little bit carried away.”
Riley sighed. “It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. I just… I want everything for you, all the happiness you so richly deserve.”
Relieved that the loving lecture was over, Riley nodded. “How about we just agree to disagree—and move on?”
Macy didn’t look happy, but she did say, “Fair enough. Let’s move on.”
She stayed for another hour. They talked of their children and their jobs and their families. And both of them took extra care not to mention Josh again.
* * *
For the rest of that week, Josh and Roger spent every night at Riley’s house. They slept in the home office, Josh on the rollaway and Roger in the doggy bed Josh had brought from home.
Josh reminded himself constantly that he and Riley weren’t together—and, according to Riley anyway, never would be. That he was here as a friend because a friend was what she needed. His heart had other ideas, as did his body.
He wanted to be with her all the time in all the ways. But he had to be careful. What he wanted would only make it hurt even more when he moved back home without her.
By Friday, Riley was clearly feeling better. She got around well on the walker and had even learned to navigate the stairs with it.
Saturday, Josh picked up Shane from Lenore’s. Shane was thrilled to learn that for the week to come, he would be staying over at Dillon’s house. The boys spent the weekend running up and down the stairs, playing in the backyard sprinklers and jumping on the low trampoline Riley had bought for Dillon early in the spring.
Monday, with Josh at work and the boys at daycare, Riley put in several hours in her home office catching up on things at the hotel. That evening, she told Josh that she’d joined the morning meeting via Zoom. She also reported that she and Annette agreed she would work remotely for a while. In a week or so, they would reevaluate how to ease her into returning to work onsite.
Tuesday, Josh drove her up to Sheridan for her first physical therapy session and a visit to her doctor, where they discussed other options beyond the walker, like possibly crutches or a knee crutch, which would allow her to walk hands-free. The doctor had reservations for either style ofcrutch because of her pregnancy. The growing baby created certain challenges to her center of gravity.
“I’m not taking any chances with the baby,” she decided. “I’ll manage with the walker.”
She was laughing on the way back home, excited that her recovery was going so well. Josh loved to see her happy.
But it hurt, too. He wanted to give her everything, and that meant he had to keep reminding himself that “everything” just wasn’t happening.
Somehow, he kept getting his hopes up anyway. It didn’t take much for him to start dreaming that somehow she would change her mind. That one day soon she would say she wanted to make this temporary situation permanent, that she wanted it all with him the same as he did with her.
Sometimes she would look at him like she wanted to kiss him, and he would just know that eventually they would work it out. And then there were those times she would give him that certain smile, the one that seemed to say she thought of him when he wasn’t around. The one that made him feel he was special to her—and not just as her very good friend with on-and-off benefits. That smile said she wanted him as much as he wanted her, and he would find himself getting his hopes up again.
But she never made a move, never suggested that she might secretly yearn to spend the rest of her life with him. She held out against loving him as though holding out was a good thing, a noble thing. He just didn’t get it.
So he was careful to keep his longing to himself. She’d shut him down once already. And now she gave no indication that things could change between them.
It was a fantasy that they would one day end up making a family together. And this was the real world where fantasies did not come true.
* * *
Three weeks after Riley fell down the stairs, Josh drove her to her regular physical therapy appointment in Sheraton. She’d insisted that she could drive herself.
But he wanted to take her, and he told her so. “Come on,” he coaxed. “You know how much I love ferrying you around.”
“Yeah, right. I’m sure it’s a whole lot of fun for you.”
“It is. Let’s go.”
She walked out to his crew cab without limping. By then, she no longer used the walker. She still wore an ankle brace off and on, though.
When they got there, Josh sat out in the reception area while Riley worked with the therapist. Once they were headed back home, she reported that she would be transitioning from her ankle brace to a less restrictive ankle sleeve for any time she felt she needed support.
