It didn’t go quite as Van planned. She tried to keep her attitude light and easy, but the family knew that something had gone wrong for her. They each found an opportunity to speak to her privately, to ask what she had on her mind and reassure her they were there for her any time she needed them.
In response, she hugged them and said that she loved them and lied through her teeth, promising she was totally fine.
She felt bad about the lying.
But then her mom took her aside last. It was just the two of them, at the kitchen table.
Wanda asked softly, “Are you happy, sweetheart?”
And it was too much. Van couldn’t bring herself to tell one more lie. “I’m doing my best, okay? Just putting one foot in front of the other.”
“Is that really enough for you?”
“Of course not. But it’s where I am right now—and please don’t start in about how I need to find a nice local guy and move back home. I like my life in Billings. It’s a good life.” And it was. Still, her heart ached to think of returning to her pretty little condo in August. Somehow now, after Jameson, the thought of going back to Billings felt hollow at the core.
Her mom took her hand, turned it over, and gently stroked her palm. “I know you’ve made a good life there. And, yes, I do wish that you would decide to move home. But that’s your decision. I promise I’m not trying to live your life for you.”
“Well, I just don’t think you approve of my choices.”
“That’s not so, honey. I don’t always agree with you, true. But I admire you. You’re a terrific teacher. You have a big heart. You’re generous with your time and talents and you’ve made a meaningful, productive life for yourself. I respect your right to do things your own way.”
Van felt ashamed. “Thanks, Mom. I did really think you were judging me.”
“I’m not.We’renot.”
Van sagged in her chair and said in a small voice, “I’m sorry if I jumped to conclusions. Over the years, though, you and Grandma Daisyhavegotten on me now and then about how much happier I would be in Bronco.”
“We love you. We want you close. And you’re right, your grandma and I have made it painfully clear we wish you would move home. I promise you, though, we do get that it’s your decision where you live,howyou live. As long as you’re happy with your choices, we’re happy too.”
Van told her mom the truth. “Well, I’m not all that happy right at the moment. Does that mean you’re going to start in on me to move back here?”
Her mother’s laugh was soft and knowing. “Not a chance. I am getting your message loud and clear and I will take it to heart, I promise you. Yes, I want you happy. But I do understand that I can’tgiveyou happiness. You have to claim it for yourself.”
“So where does that leave us?”
“Hmm. That leaves me telling you again that I respect your choices. And that I’m here for you whenever you need me.”
They gazed at each other for the longest time. Van was the one to scoot her chair closer to Wanda’s. She laid her head on her mother’s shoulder with a sigh. “I love you, Mom.”
Her mother’s arm was warm, comforting around her. “And I love you...”
Back at the apartment, Callie met her at the door. One look at her friend’s determined expression and Van longed to spin on her heel and get out of there.
“This way,” said Callie. She took Van by the arm, led her to the sofa in the living area and gently pushed her down. “I realize I didn’t come on strong enough with you about the Jameson situation.”
“Wait. What? Strong enough?” Where was shy, unassuming Callie when Van needed her? Ordinarily, Van loved that her friend always told her the truth. Right now, though? No, thanks. “Callie, I told you, thereisno Jameson situation.”
Callie braced her hands on her hips. “Denial is not a good look on you.”
“I really don’t want to talk about this.”
“Great. You don’t have to talk. Just sit there and listen. Let me say what I need to say, and then we can leave it alone.”
With a heart-heavy sigh, Van slumped into the couch cushions. “Get it over with, then.”
“Thank you.” Callie dropped down next to Van and shifted to face her. “I just want you think about it. Think about how Jameson treats you, how much he wants to be with you. I think, if you just push your fears aside and look at what hedoes, how hecommunicates, all the ways he treats you thoughtfully, with real care, you will see that he’s nothing like the men who hurt you.”
“Callie. Those guys were all good to me, too. At first.”
