Those frantic eyes looked as if they might bug right out of her head. “What are you talking about? We’ve been through this. You said you understood.”
“No. I never said that. I don’t understand. I want to be with you, so I did things your way. But your way isn’t working. It’s time we changed things up. Time you got past whatever’s holding you back. You’re not eighteen, with a cheating ex-boyfriend and a bunch of mean girls on your ass. You’re not dealing with Don or David or Chaz or Trevor. You’re with me, and I want to be with you. You are a brilliant, beautiful, grown-up woman, and I think, if you would just get out of your own damn way, you would see that you want to be with me, too.”
“No. You’re not listening. You refuse to see. I’m not going out openly with you in this town. I can’t do that, and you know I can’t.”
He answered with a sad shake of his head. “Come on, Vanessa. We both know you damn wellcango out with me tonight. You justwon’t, and that’s the plain truth.”
Now she looked a little less frantic and a lot more miserable. Her rigid shoulders slumped. “Okay. You’re right. Iwon’t. That’s what I came here to tell you. I considered just staying away, but that felt all wrong.”
“And this, what you’re doing now—that’s somehowright?”
“It is right. It’s the right choice for me.”
“Wrong.”
She pressed her lips together and glared at him. “Will you let me finish?”
He returned her glare. “You go right ahead.”
“I just... I realized I needed to say it straight to your face, Jameson. Because this isn’t anything against you, it really isn’t. You are the most amazing man and it’s not—”
“Wait. Are you about to hit me with some tired phrase that women always use when they show a guy the door? Are you about to say that it’s not me, it’s you? If you are, save it. I don’t need to hear that crap. I know it without your saying it. Because itisyou. If we don’t work this out, that’s on you. I’m knocking myself out here to get through to you, and you’re giving me nothing but arguments that don’t hold water and a bunch of lame excuses.”
“I just... I can’t...” She caught herself. “I mean, Iwon’t. I won’t go there again. I won’t take that chance again. I just need to face reality here. It never goes well. It’s always a disaster.I’ma disaster, romantically speaking.” Her wonderful face was a portrait in pain.
His growing exasperation melted away. He wanted to comfort her, but he knew she wouldn’t allow him to get one step closer than where he stood now, ten feet from her, at the end of a long gray sofa.
Again, he tried to get her to reason it out. “It’s what life is, Vanessa. You fail and fail and every time you fail, you have to pick yourself up and try again. You can’t give up—or you’ll never succeed.”
“It’s just not the same for you. You failed once. I just keep doing it over and over. It always has a bad ending for me, and I have to learn to protect myself at least a little. The way I see it, if we walk away now, at least we have a great memory of how good it was for a while.”
He hardly knew where to go with that. “But why walk away when we’re just getting started? Why walk away when we could have so much more? I’ve got no intention of messing this up. I want to be with you. I’m open to you. I want it all with you. I want to take this thing between us wherever it goes. I love—”
“Stop. Right there.” Her face had paled, her freckles standing out in sharp relief.
How could he get through to her if she refused to hear the words? “You’re not even going to let me say it?”
“No, I am not. There’s no point in saying it. It won’t change anything. You know where it goes. We’ve been through this. In August, I go back to Billings and we both get on with our lives.”
“Just, please, give it a chance between us, Vanessa.” Damn. He’d descended to begging. This was bad. Really bad. Still, he gave it one more shot. “Just say yes to dinner at DJ’s. That’s all I’m asking for. One step at a time.”
She made a strangled sound, a sound full of pain. Behind her black-framed glasses, her eyes gleamed with moisture. A tear got away from her and dribbled down the curve of her cheek. Angrily, she swiped at it. “I can’t. I’m sorry. No.”
No.
And where did that leave him?
Screwed, that’s where. “So I guess that makes me collateral damage once again, huh? You said it and I agreed with you. This reallyisn’tabout me. This is on you, Vanessa. And I’m tired. I’m done. I don’t want to give up on you. But what else can I do? A man needs to know when to call it quits.”
“Yes.” Her voice was so small, so lonely. “You’re right. It’s not going to work, and it’s good that you can see that.”
They stared at each other.
There was nothing more to say.
He walked away from her, to the kitchen area and the wide window with a view of the mountains, their craggy peaks reaching into the sky. “Just go,” he said over his shoulder.
“Goodbye, Jameson.” The words came out ragged but way too damned determined. He heard her footsteps retreating. The front door opened and clicked shut.
