"For what?" I ask. There's too much to feel guilt for, even if I wanted to I wouldn't be able to pin down the exact reason for her statement.
"For everything," she says. "I know I give you a hard time, but if I don't, who will?" She teases gently.
I open my mouth to respond but she slips back inside and I'd be lying if I said that it didn't rattle me a little. I stare down at the shakiness of my hands and hiss at how pathetic it feels.“You walk yourself in a circle long enough, Bright, you’ll start tripping over your own steps.”Sarge's voice plays in my head, mocking me.
“Dad?” Daisy snaps me from the moment of weakness, and I turn to see her standing in the door.
“What’s up, Squish?” I put on a brave face, one that doesn’t give away how uncomfortable I am with all of this.
“Are you alright?” she asks.
“Yeah,” I smile. “Just ate too much. Needed a hit of fresh air,” I lie.
“Thanks for doing this today. Auggie’s having lots of fun.” She smiles at me, and I stuff down everything to keep it on her face. “Do you think you can take us bowling next week?”
“Just the three of us?” I ask her, and she nods.
“Deal.” I nod. “Let’s go eat the dessert before Uncle B can serve it.”
“Are you sure?” The smile on her face grows. “Very rebellious, Dad.”
“Yeah, yeah, hurry before we get caught.” I shoo her inside.
It’s five in the morning when my phone starts ringing on the table beside my head. The screen light illuminates everything, including Rhea’s sleepy face as she rolls away from me and curls into a ball like a cat on the other side of the bed.
I reach for my phone and bring it to my ear, closing my eyes as I answer. “Hello?” I groan.
“Hey,” José sounds far away and loud all at once. “Sorry, I waited as long as I could to call.”
“What’s going on, Garza?” I sit up in bed. We hadn’t gotten to sleep until three, and I can still feel the exhaustion that lingers in my muscles.
One of our group rules is that if your phone rings, you answer it. When it comes to PTSD, there is no control. There’s no telling when it will show up to destroy your life, and even if I don’t talk about mine in group, I’ll always answer the phone.
“Man, I hate to be the one making this phone call.”
Someone is dead.
“Terell is gone,” he says.
My throat gets tight at the mention of him. Harvey Terell. An old guy who retired way too late, because when he finally did, he had nothing but the military left. His wife was long gone, and his kids hated him. The army was his family.
“How?” I clear my throat, and Rhea stretches awake beside me, her eyes still sleepy as she stares up at me in bed.
“I don’t know, I can’t get any information out of anyone. It’s buttoned up tight,” José sounds exhausted and frankly pretty heartbroken.He was a dad to all of us, man, I get it. This sucks.
“I’ll get dressed. Have you called Sarge? The guys might need a meeting,” I say, just trying to keep myself calm for José.
“Yeah, he said to call you.” He huffs.
“I have Terell’s funeral directives somewhere. I’ll dig them out and bring them down to the church. Keep trying to figure out what happened," I order.It’s going to matter.Unfortunately, in our line of work, open caskets weren’t usually possible.
“You gonna be alright?” He asks me before I hang up the phone.
“Call Leon, and get him to call Robert,” I tell him, “they’ll wanna know.”
“Done,” José confirms. “Sorry for waking you up with this.”
“That’s what the phone is for, man, don’t be sorry. Go call the guys,” I say, and hang up this time before he can say anything else to me.
