“But how did you know what it meant?” I found myself hungry for the answer. I’d been trying for so long not to let him have this part of me, not to want anything from him. But I needed to know—was this another thing that had been stolen from me? Did Maura somehow know of my bargain with the Dark God? Was even this, the darkest part of me, not my own?
Garrick’s gaze dropped to my legs. Standing, the mark was just about at his eye level. Not that he could see it through the thick drape of my skirt.
“It is the same symbol, repeated twice,” he said, his wrist twitching. “I knew it meant you were bound to another. I guessed, from the way you invoked his name… but I did not truly know until he appeared to me after the Memory Gate.”
I searched those words for the lie. There had to be one. But if there was, I could not find it.
I was no longer fully supporting my own weight. At some point, I’d leaned against the wall behind me. I slid down it, my arms still wrapped across my breasts, until I was seated across from Garrick. The space was so small, our legs nearly touched, even with our feet planted and knees raised. But I did not let myself touch him. He’d told me no. I had to respect that.
I dropped my head back against the wall, letting my eyes fall closed. I did not need to anchor myself here. Even my hyper-aware senses were deprived by our current predicament. The lack of light. The closeness of the space. We were cut off from the chatter of the court above us. It was just Garrick and me.
I could hear the beat of his heart. Smell the wine and cinnamon scent that clung to him even now that we were no longer traveling. At night, I could bury my face in the perfumedsheets and ignore it. Not ignore it. Survive it. But here, now, with him so close… my breath shuddered out of me.
“I do not begrudge you your bonds, Koryn,” Garrick said softly. A suspect heat pricked at the back of my eyes. I kept them tightly closed. “Not to Isanara, nor to the Dark God. None of it changes how I feel about you.”
And how is that?my soul cried out. “You would give me up so easily?” Fuck, I hated the hurt in my voice. The vulnerability. More burning. Eyes. Closed.
The air around us changed, suddenly charged. I tried to keep my eyes closed against it, but the primal need for survival forced them open. Everything looked the same—a dark, enclosed room, a tumbledown of mortar and stones blocking our way, Garrick sitting across from me, our legs wedged oh-so-carefully so that we did not touch. Except that Garrick’s expression was different. Fierce and intense.
“Never,” he growled, that ring of brilliant turquoise light flaring around his pupils. “If I could compel you to believe it, Koryn, I would not hesitate. I will never abandon you. I betrayed your trust once, before I knew what we would be to one another, in order to save my mother. Even so, even with everything that was at stake, it was a mistake. I regret it. But I will never regret you. Your bonds are part of who you are, and I love every part of you. I would never ask you to forsake a piece of your soul.”
The charge in the air was Garrick’s magic. He had the power to compel minds, yet he could not compelmine. If he could, maybe all of this would be easier. Would I be happier if he could just force me to believe him?
But happiness was not my goal. Happiness was not reserved for people like me, and certainly not for witches. Nor deserved. Both of my lives had proved that to me.
“Do you understand me, witch?”
I swallowed, the motion of my jaw sending a shiver through my shoulders. My jaw was trembling. That did not stop Garrick. He leaned forward, as close as he could get to me with our tangle of legs, still refusing to touch me. But the demand in his eyes was clear, his jaw locked into place, no smirk in sight.
“Garrick,” I breathed, half-whimpered. The intensity of it filled me up, flooded over me, but I did not want to anchor myself to escape it.
“Tell me that you understand that I will never leave you and that I accept every part of you. I claim every part of you.”
He could claim me, but that did not mean I claimed him back, a rebellious part of myself insisted. And yet… he saw me. He knew the Midnight Coven. He’d cared for Isanara. He had watched me interact with the Dark God, and I’d told him about the depth of that connection. Instead of responding with jealousy, Garrick had staked his claim to all of me. Isanara. The Dark God. He wanted it all.
And I did not have it in me to fight him.
“I understand,” I breathed.
For a heartbeat—his, not mine—I thought that our stalemate would shatter. That Garrick would pin his body over mine and finally give in to the touches that we both yearned for. I’d been with the Dark God, but Garrick… I did not feel complete without him. My body wanted them both.
But Garrick did not touch me. He rocked back to where he’d sat before, his body hitting the wall and causing our entire little chamber to shake. I dug my fingernails into my arms, waiting for the wall of debris to crumple. But it held, and we were still trapped.
CHAPTER 33
GARRICK
It tookeverything I had not to tug her into my arms and cover her mouth with mine.
She’d offered her body, not her heart. I’d refused to accept one without the other. A decision I’d been cursing myself for ever since I made it. But the way she’d responded to my demand—one I had not even intended to make—gave me hope. The most dangerous emotion of all.
Koryn dragged in one breath, then another, her breasts heaving beneath the low cut of her blue-green gown. The primal, possessive part of me recognized that the shade was nearly the same as my eyes. Had she chosen it because of me, on some subliminal level?
There was that hope, again. Taunting. An hour ago, I’d have called it futile. But then she’d repeated back those words to me, and I knew she meant them. Unlike me, Koryn did not lie. At least, not consciously. Whatever lies she told herself, to protect herself… I exhaled, feeling my nostrils flare.
She’d closed her eyes again. We were in danger of losing the precious intimacy we’d gained in the last few minutes. I wanted to grab onto it, onto her, and hold it close.
If I could not be physically close to her, I could offer her my heart. I would offer it again and again, even if she never decided that it was worth keeping.
