I think you like me, Sunny.
Something glimmers along that connection between us. An unspoken thing that somehow seems to scream so loudly now. Something unseen, but feels too real to not exist.
Now that I have her, I can’t get enough of her. She’s been my obsession since the moment I laid eyes on her. But that obsession has rooted itself much deeper, and I won’t ever be able to escape. I never had plans to, anyways.
Every facet of my life now revolves around her. It is Sunny everything, everywhere, all the time. A dangerous line is being treaded here, but I truly don’t fucking care.
Because I kissed Sunny.
SUNNY
Laying in my bed, I stare at the twinkling lights I put up on movein day. Along with the glow in the dark stars that scatter my ceiling, compliments of Tyler from our day of shopping.
He said he always had them in his room growing up since stars were far and few in between in the city. He’d wished upon each one on his ceiling as a child—that he still does to this day. I wonder if he’s looking up at his right now, too.
My mind jumps from one thought to another. I count each light, each star, trying to distract my mind from earlier this evening in hopes it’ll be like counting sheep and send me to sleep.
I kissed Tyler. And I liked it.
Pressing my palms against my eyes, I groan as I shift in bed. Desire that shouldn’t be here takes over when I replay the way his hands felt against my skin and his tongue in my mouth tasted.
I knew something shifted that night he came over and read the whole book that still sits on my nightstand. Just so that we could talk about it during our day of shopping. I just didn’t realize how much things had changed. While I try to deny the fact it’s more with him, the truth still whispers in my mind—it’s always more with him.
Continuing with Tyler would be selfish, considering I’m leaving. Ryan is alive, and I know in my very bones he is looking for me. His words were enough, but the tone that wrapped around each letter got the point across even further when I stepped out that door that night.
If you walk out that door and leave, I will find you.
It was just as much a threat as it was a promise he made to me.
Ryan is selfish for me, and he wants me back in his life, regardless of the fact he has no clue how to love me and that he hurt me. The better part of me tells me I need to have this discussion with Tyler to end things immediately. The immature part tells me to completely ignore it.
It has to be nothing.
I know deep in my heart that it’s so far from the truth.
Because I kissed Tyler, and I loved it.
I immediately sit up in a bed that isn’t mine, feeling my heart race as I grip the familiar gray blankets in my fist. Looking around the room, I realize I’m in my old apartment I shared with Ryan. My breath catches as the panic rises like bile in my throat.
“No,” I breathe.
Ryan walks out of the bathroom. “I missed you while you were sleeping,”
The look in his eyes tells me exactly what he wants as he crawls over to me in bed. Healwayswants it. I used to find it endearing that he couldn't keep his hands off me, until one day he wouldn’t stop despite my protests. He hovers over me, his dark brown curls falling in his face and his brown eyes fill with a terrifying hunger.
“Ryan, please,” I manage to croak through my panic.
“What? You don’t want to have sex with me?” he snaps and fear knots in my throat.
“I’m just really tired tonight,” I try to sound sweet as I caress his face. Ihaveto comfort him and make it seem like I’m the problem. To him, I always am. Yet, somehow, always the solution too.
When he rolls off me, he makes it a point to express his anger in everything he does. A drawer being closed too hard. His footsteps stomping with more frustration. Doors slamming rather than closing. Tossing and turning in our bed with sighs of frustration.
“Why are you upset?” I ask, even though I already know the answer.
“You never want to have sex with me,” he snaps. “A man can only feel rejected for so long.”
“That’s not it, honey. I love you so much.”
