This is the moment of my downfall. I know Mitchell knows.Of course he does. Mitchell has me under a microscope. But my mother? I wasn’t expecting that.
“It will always be her.” I stare out the window.
She sighs. “I understand that. I’ve felt the way you feel once upon a time.”
I look at her, my shock almost snapping my neck in the process. But she’s still staring out the window, her mind in a memory I’m not aware of.
“I learned to love your father. And maybe you’ll learn to love Shelby, too.” She looks at me with a weak smile, but her eyes show everything that isn’t happiness.
She’d always been so devoted, so loyal to Mitchell despite everything. But now, I see that devotion is nothing compared to the grief in her eyes.
Just as I’m about to speak again, I’m called by Shelby. “Tyler!” she squeals from across the room. “Come look at these centerpieces!”
Me and Diane’s eyes meet. We don’t need to share anymore words.
Putting my arm around her shoulders, she slips her arm around my waist, and we walk over to the wedding chaos before us.
CHAPTER SIXTY
SUNNY
Exiting my apartment building,I head towards Martha’s for family dinner. The cold January evening is bustling despite the frigid air.
Regardless of my efforts, the engagement still hadn’t been called off. To my knowledge, the details had even gone into picking out dishes for the wedding ceremony. It’s a loss I’ve finally succumbed to as I wave my white flag.
I broke you, Tyler.
It’s a sickening feeling, knowing what we could have if life played us different cards. We stand so close, yet so far, knowing one another so well but also not at all. Almost, but also never quite even close. A broken girl who no longer understands what being whole feels like.
It’s hard to grasp that people like the family I met here have learned to love me—my jagged pieces included. It doesn’t matter that these pieces continue to cut them. Every broken part of me loves them.
Ryan spent so much time trying to put my fire out, to contain it. Keep it small so I didn’t burn him. Meanwhile, Tyler fuels it,he encourages me to set it free. He will gladly burn in it if it means my freedom.
Without an update on Ryan, it’s easy to want to stray from the direction I’ve been on. They say no news is good news. Though I know with Ryan, his silence is violent.
The constant worry isn’t as persistent. Some days it’s brief, while others it becomes the very air I breathe. It is suffocating me, despite my labored breaths. On the days where it’s not my very essence, the thoughts like to crawl into my mind. All of them asking what if.
What if I stayed?
It’s hard to imagine all these small moments that lead me here. From a girl who couldn’t even walk out of her apartment without looking over her shoulder to now considering staying in a place she swore she never would.
The words Ryan left me with have somehow embedded themselves into my very skin. It’s altered my brain chemistry, and repeats every day as my reminder. Woven so deeply into my ribs that I feel the stab of them with each breath.
If you walk out that door and leave, I promise I will find you.
I approach Martha’s, hoping the night is as simple as beers and the football game. While it’s only been a few days since the engagement party, I’m hopeful it’s enough time for everyone to calm down. Regardless of the fact my own rage is still an inferno inside my veins.
The wind kicks up, stinging my gold hoops against my skin and blowing the curls that escaped my bun. I tug my black coat tighter, trying to cover the spots my oversized sweater hasn’t.
As I’m walking through the parking lot, Tyler is getting out of his truck. I don’t stop for him though, I just keep walking. He slams his truck door a little too harshly, indicating that he knows I’ve walked here through the growing night.
I pick up my pace, regardless of the fact I’ll see him inside.But at least it won’t be alone. His long legs are a disadvantage to mine as he closes the space between us.
I almost audibly groan. How can a man I’m upset with look so good in jeans, and a long sleeve shirt under a peacoat?
He doesn’t say anything as he approaches my side. We just walk a few paces in silence as I side eye him, noting the fatigue in his emeralds.
“Did you walk here?” he finally asks, his breath filtering in front of him due to the cold air. I don’t answer him, because it’s none of his concern. He has a fiancé to worry about now.
