Whipping my belt off, I grab her arms, bending them harshly and tie them together behind her back, stretching them painfully to the point she cries out again. But she doesn’t ask me to stop.
I start hitting her from behind again, trying to envision my little fire instead.Come on…
I shove her face deeper into the mattress, knowing I’m slowly cutting off her air supply. If I just hold her there long enough...I could put an end to all of this. Soon enough, she’ll stop breathing if I could have it my way. I could put an end to her the way I’ve always wanted to.
I shake my head and redirect my thoughts to my Sunny.
I imagine the night we got drunk together. The way her hands explored my body. The way it didn’t hurt when she touched me. How much I craved her. I imagine those blue-green eyes meeting my stare while she devoured me. Those perfect pink lips around my cock, taking me the way she was made to. My eyes remain shut, envisioning that night. Working myself so hard into Shelby our skin is slapping and stinging.
She groans under the gag, but I tune her out as I imagine me and Sunny in the shower on New Year’s Eve. Her body under the shower water. The way she cried for my dick as I fucked her mouth.
“Yes baby,” I whisper, imagining it all.
My fist in her hair, making her look up at me with those blue-green eyes, the desire sitting heavy in them. The way her mouth parts as my fingers push inside her. Feeling every bit of her. Thefucking wetness that my mouth craves to taste. Her hips rolling with my fingers, chasing that climax.
“Just like that,” I breathe as I keep working.
The orgasm starts to approach. It’s kindling at the base of my spine, trying to work its way to me. I keep imagining my girl, trying to keep this moment. Trying to keepher.
My forehead pressed to hers as I breathe her in. Her breath becoming rhythmic with mine. The way she sat in my lap on New Year’s Eve. So comfortable and content. The way her soft fingers traced the jagged scars on my body, seeing them as beauty rather than tragedy.
I realize I don’t even need to think about our sexual encounters just to get me off. No. All I need to think about is her. Because it’s her. It will always be her. So, I imagine her lips on mine. The way they tell me everything she refuses to admit herself.
I love you.
And finally, I find my fucking release.
The orgasm invades my body, taking hold of me as I imagine my Sunny. “Fuck!” I groan as I finish.
I open my eyes as I realize the reality I’m in. My hand is shoving Shelby’s face so deep into the mattress, I wouldn’t be surprised her air supply is cut off and I succeeded in what my thoughts were screaming to do.
The weight of everything crashes on me.
I fucked another woman.
This isn’t Sunny.
No, this is my worst fucking nightmare.
I ripped the condom off and zipped up my pants, leaving Shelby on the bed to figure out getting the restraints off. My chest felt cracked open and exposed as I stumbled out of her apartment.
Dirty. I feel fucking dirty.
The clothes I wore end up buried in flames inside myfireplace and I spend the rest of the night in my shower, washing myself over and over and over but never feeling clean.
I scrub my skin until it’s raw and bleeding, and it still doesn’t feel like enough. Ragged breaths do nothing to give me the oxygen my body is screaming for. All my mistakes wrap around my lungs and ribs, making each breath practically impossible.
How will I spend the rest of my life doing this? How will I give an heir when I feel this dirty after using a condom and keeping all my clothes on?
I continue scrubbing my skin, watching the water turn pink from the blood trickling from the angry red patches across my body.
I’m so sorry, Sunny.
CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN
SUNNY
Sitting on my couch,I look at the envelope placed on my coffee table. The embroidered silver words on the cream colored cover blatantly stare at me.
