“Look at me,” he commands. “Look at me when I tell you this—make no mistake, little fire, you can run from me through lifetimes, trying to deny that string connecting us, but I will keep fucking running, yanking it to drag you back to me. No matter how hard you try to prevent it, I will love you through lifetimes.” He shakes his head and shrugs. “I can’t lie anymore.”
CHAPTER FIFTY
TYLER
Simultaneously reliefand fear thread through my bones. The words have been a desperate, silent cry on my tongue for far too long, begging to be released. But now that it’s said, I can see the look in her eye. One by one, I see the weight of my words and their effect as they land on her.
Her arms hang loosely at her sides in defeat as she blinks at the parking lot ground. The silence between us louder than any of the words we’ve spoken.
I wait patiently. I always will.
“We agreed to be casual, Tyler. Why would you agree to that when you already knew your feelings for me?” The emotions flick through her like a film switching to different frames. Anger, sadness, shock. Repeat.
The thing is, we never fucking agreed on anything. We never made a pact. We never signed a contract. We never promised. We’re people of action, not fucking words. Too little words were spoken between us. Instead we were in a tangle of limbs, mouths, and moans.
I huff out a breath because honesty is all that is between usnow. “We never agreed to anything, Sunny.” I step into her. “But even if we did…If that was all that I’d get from you, even if you didn’t love me back, it’d be worth it. If this is all the time you and I are allowed to have, if this is it, then it’s worth it, too. And I’d do my life over again so I could keep having this small portion with you,” I growl. “Maybe I thought you’d fall in love with me too, maybe a small portion was hopeful. That part of me is selfish. I’m being selfish, Sunny. Asking you to stay and to let me help you is me being selfish again. And to be frank, I don’t fucking care.”
Her brows crease, the anger pertinent on her face as I step closer to her.
“I don’t care if it’s selfish because if it means that you are safe and you are cared for and you are loved the way you deserve then yes, I’ll be fucking selfish. I’ll also respect you. Even if I don’t believe the words coming from your mouth. I don’t believe you want to leave, and I don’t believe that you want this between us to end because if it truly is what you say it is, then you wouldn’t have let it get as far as it did. And you wouldn’t be running right now because you realize you have feelings, too. I get you had this plan but life changes, and we need to learn to change with it.”
Running a hand over my face, I start to pace the parking lot. I watch the slow roll of her throat as she tries to swallow back the tears.
“Is this what you want?” I stop my pacing.
Her eyes flick from the ground to me, but no words come from her. She’s a blank sheet. No more film roll of emotions. She’s shutting down.
“Is this what you want, Sunny? For me to just move on from you? You want me to let you go so you can go running to the next place?” I press, taking another step towards her.
I realize that I gave a part of myself to her, and I’ll never get it back. I don’t want it back anyways, because I’ll never be thesame now. Not after her. I’d rather never be the same again than never know what a life with her was like.
“Yes,” she whispers, her eyes on me now. And I see nothing in them save for a glimmer of pain. “I want you to move on.”
Impossible. No one else makes sense.
I shake my head slowly at her words. “This is ridiculous. You’re aliar.”
“It’s what needs to happen, Tyler. We both know it. You need to move on from me because there will no longer be me in a few months.”
“Don’t be a fucking coward then and say it louder.” I seethe through my teeth.
“It’s what I want! I want you to move on,” she emphasizes, but her voice still shakes.
“Do you know exactly what you’re asking me?” I take a step closer to her. “You want me to kiss another girl?” I take another step. “You want me to buy her flowers?” Another step. “You want me to explore her body in all the ways I explored yours? And then more?” Another step.
She doesn’t move. She stands where she’s at, taking it all. She isn’t scared, and she never was. I just wish she would see that, too. Because maybe then she would stop running.
She needs to understand the depth of what she’s asking. This wall she’s placed is preventing her from thinking clearly. I just need to create a crack, to know that it's actually her and not this wall. Some sort of reaction to see this hurts her as much as it hurts me.
“You want me to fuck her until she is screaming my name? Maybe even put a baby in her? Fill her with me. Owning her and making hermine.” I seethe.
Her eyes flutter at my words, my tone.A crack in the wall. But a reaction, nonetheless. Slowly I’ll break through this fucking fortress she put up.
“You want me to tell her I love her, the way I love you, if not more?” I take another step.
That part is impossible. I now know why I’ve never loved before, because all my love belongs to her. It always has, and it always will.
Just mere inches from her now, we practically share breath. But her eyes never leave mine.
