“I don’t get to kiss you?” I feign disappointment.
She scowls and rolls her eyes, so similar to her brother just moments ago.
“Okay, everyone! Ten minutes til! Grab your blankets and sweaters, drinks and all and let’s go outside!” Anthony chants.
With a smile, Tyler approaches me with a fluffy blanket. God he is so observant, only feeding into my spiraling thoughts of what he does for a living. He sees the details.
“Let’s ring in the new year?” He secures the blanket around me.
“Let’s,” I say, looping my arm in his.
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
SUNNY
Fireworks cascadethe sky despite the fact we still have a few minutes until the new year. I look at Tyler, and see he is staring at me. A softness takes over his normally lethal eyes and I wonder why it’s me that has somehow delivered this part of him.
It's at this moment I realize, being loved isn’t the same as being seen. And Tyler, he sees me. No matter how much I try to hide myself from him.
Something about being able to kiss him in front of all our friends feels absolutely freeing. It’s my fault that we have to hide behind closed doors, I know that. But it isn’t fair to make something more than what it is, what it should be when I have plans on leaving in a few short months.
I turn to him, bringing a hand to his face where my thumb traces the lazy smile that curves his lips. He leans into my touch, closing his eyes as a hand of his covers my own.
And I’m smiling.
Not like the half smiles I’ve had. It is a too wide grin that pulls my lips so desperately that it hurts my cheeks.
And it’s because of him.
Them.
My family.
It’s because of these small, wonderful moments I’ve spent my life chasing. Moments surrounded by people I love and who love me. And here it is. It exists.I have it.
Being with Ryan was isolating and lonely. I not only lost a part of myself but a lot of friends, too. In a world where it seemed like he lost everything, I tried to replicate that in myself. And he let me. He let me be his everything in such a deep, profound way that became harmful. In becoming his everything, I lost everything.
“Beautiful,” Tyler whispers. “I have spent so long trying to get a smile like that on your face.” His thumb traces my lips, memorizing their curve.
Fireworks continue to grow more and more by the second, leading up to the final moments of the year. The year that has caused so much pain, yet so much happiness, all in one.
“Do it again,” he says. “I’ll do anything, anything to keep that smile.” He kisses my palm.
So I smile, because I am so goddamn tired of the frowns my sadness has caused.
“Five, four, three, two, one!” I hear our family countdown.
Each second he gets an inch closer, until his lips are a whisper against my own. His fingers wrap around the back of my neck, his thumb stroking my cheek. And I feel that tether, stronger than ever as I look into his emeralds.
“Happy New Year!” they all chant at once.
“Happy New Year, Sunny darling,” he whispers against my lips.
We kiss and it feels like...finally.
His lips press into mine, using his tongue to write all the silent, lost words that I won’t allow him to speak. They melt on my tongue and flood my system, coursing through my veins as they fill the cracks in my heart I thought were irreparable.
I feel it between us, stronger than ever, as my broken heart tries to run from a glimpse of being loved properly, regardless of that thread slowly suturing my broken pieces.
