All without complaint, grumbles, or groans. It’s not easy, but it’s the example I’ve seen and what I know to do. If fake it until you make were a person, I would be that woman. I have to keep going with the understanding that this too shall pass soon. But Lord knows I hope soon is around the corner because I feel like the flame in my candle is about to run out. It took everything in me to get to work this morning after not going to bed until one.
But I’m in my final semester of school, where I refuse to drop or fumble this ball. I procrastinated on writing a six-page paper until I had no choice but to give up precious sleep to finish it. Thankfully, my professor gives us an hour of grace beyond the usual midnight deadline. Otherwise, I would have been up a creek without a paddle, and I can’t afford to lose a single point in this homestretch.
“I thought for sure you would have perked up after your man came in here smelling like pussy swells and pregnancy dreams,” my coworker and best friend, Alicia, says once the customer we just serviced leaves.
Alicia Young and I have been thick as thieves ever since she moved here three years ago. We met when she came to visit her cousin, D’Essence, and the next thing I knew, she was relocating to the city. Alicia is the friend I needed, and I occasionally wantto return to her home state because of her knack for annoying me. But I love her regardless of how much she rags on me.
“So, did you two make plans to meet out back for some private kisses?” Alicia teases.
“You’re so irritating.” I wave her off.
The reminder of Chance causes a cheesy grin and the urge to close my eyes to try to conjure up his image. Chance, whose last name is still a mystery, has been coming into the coffee shop daily. While that’s not anything worthy of acknowledgment, his presence is. Chance’s deep chocolate skin, shiny bald head, thick yet bushy eyebrows, chiseled facial structure, and muscular build haunt me in a way that doesn’t frighten me. In fact, Chance is the one bright spot in my daily routine, where I have to interact with the morning rush of people hurrying to get to whatever job they’re on their way to. Most of our customers aren’t friendly and are grumpier than Dad’s neighbor Jim, who used to grimace every time I passed his house on my way home from school as a kid. But the moment Chance enters the coffee shop, my body chills, and my heart rate increases.
“Mhm. I see that sent you right to la-la land, girl.” Alicia giggles as my focus returns to her and the conversation.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Says you, but your eyes tell me that you already have names picked out for your children with that man.”
Charity. Chance Jr. Cerenity. Maybe Essence to add a little razzle-dazzle to the crew.
“Girl, bye.” I wave her off despite the names rattling off in my head from Alicia’s statement.
But why only one boy?
Because I don’t need multiple mini Chances running around the world, breaking the hearts of the girls they encounter. Chance will get one son, and then we’ll have girls.
Like you have a say in that matter. But go off since you’re already in this delusion.
The dialogue between me and my conscience has the urge to giggle rising within my belly. Attraction to a man who only smiles and is pleasant with me while I prepare his morning cup of joe is wild. But if given the opportunity, I would let Chance take me on a date or be his dessert afterward. I can’t deny that I’m attracted to that man. So, I’m going to fake it until I make it, even with my attraction for a man who’s only a customer.
“If you want, I’ll ask him if he’s single when he comes in tomorrow. Then see if I can run a little interference for you. If he’s with someone, she can’t be handling her business with how hard he stares and grins at you like he knows what lies beneath your clothes,” Alicia says.
I wish.
“I ain’t no home-wrecker. If he’s with someone, I don’t want him. My father always told me I was the prize. I’m good. I ain’t about to ruin a happy home. Too many women settle for?—”
“Whoa, girl. You ain’t got to go on a tangent. I’ll mind the business that pays me.” Alicia’s hands are palm-side up as her eyes stretch while she stares at me like I’m a skittish cat on the verge of pouncing.
“Sorry. I uh—I’m tired. Don’t mind me. I might need to make myself a caramel caffeinated beverage to get through this day. I’m going to take a break. Yell if you get a rush and need help.” I quickly leave the counter and head toward the back as my feet direct me to the small and quaint employee lounge.
Once I’m in the room, I pull out the first chair I come to and plop down before my head lands on the table in front of me. I just need a couple of minutes to breathe and clear my mind of all things Chance and his intoxicating presence. There’s no way I should still be thinking about him, and it’s been at least an hour since he left. But I blame that on Alicia and her efforts to alwaysbring him up. Then again, I’m at fault since Alicia caught me practically drooling over Chance one day last week.
Although that’s Chance’s fault for coming in here dripping in sex with his three-piece suit and shiny baldhead. I don’t know where he was headed, but that day I wanted to follow him like a lost puppy. I think that’s the day my first fantasy began, and Chance’s daily sighting has had me in a chokehold I have yet to shake. I don’t know how long I let myself breathe before duty sent me back to the front counter. But thankfully, it wasn’t long before I was able to take my lunch break.
After grabbing my lunch and my phone, I went to the lounge, ready to eat my turkey, chicken breast, and provolone sandwich. My stomach grumbling reminded me that I hadn’t had breakfast, so I quickly took a bite and then unlocked my phone to scroll through my social media pages. But on my screen sat several missed calls from my admissions advisor, which instantly had me hitting the button to return her call. I take another bite of my sandwich as the phone rings in my ear before it connects after the fourth ring.
“Rebbie Dillard speaking.”
A warm smile forms at the pleasant greeting from my advisor, who is the reason I have made it this far without giving up. Rebbie and I have established a close but professional relationship that’s been critical to my educational endeavors.
“Hey, Rebbie. It’s Sadia. I have some missed calls from you. Is everything okay?”
“Hello, beauty. Yes. I would like you to come see me. It looks like there’s a glitch that affected your account. I could provide the information over the phone, but I would rather you come in so we can talk face-to-face.”
Rebbie’s serious tone causes a chill to slide down my back, and my heart races as I bite the corner of my lip. My handsbecome moist with perspiration, and I close my eyes to gather my thoughts enough to respond.
“I’ll be there as soon as I can.” I disconnect the call without another word from Rebbie.
