He looked away from her and clenched his fists. “I would neverforceyou to have a child, Seda. Not when you didn’t know the truth about who I was or why I was there. That part wasn’t true. Joro was forcing you to conceive, and it didn’tfeel right.” He ran his hands through his hair, messing up the perfectly laid waves. “You were never provided with my… semen.” He looked away from her, his cheeks reddening, and lowered his head.
Seda’s jaw dropped, and her voice pitched. “What?”
“I never placed my semen in the cup, Seda. I wasn’t comfortable putting you in that position.” His words came out whisper-soft.
Her temples pounded as rage surged through her once more. “Are you fucking kidding me?!” She looked away from him again, feeling the heat rise to her cheeks and a faint tingling of electricity dance across her forehead.
Her mind was torn with mixed feelings. She felt relief that she had never gotten pregnant, because it meant she would have missed discovering this other world and would have stayed within Joro. She also might never have unlocked her power.
The other part of her was filled with anger—angry at herself and at him—and she concentrated on that, taking deep breaths.
“I was selected for the Camp because I never had a child, Cahir. It wasmychoice to do that, not yours! You should have told me you weren’t comfortable, and I would’ve foundsomeone else,” she seethed.
Her heart raced, and she saw him look at her throat, watching as her pulse beat rapidly.
He looked away. “You deserve better, Seda. You deserve better than me.”
She jumped from her chair and pointed a sparking finger at him. “You’re damn fucking right I do! I saw and went through horrible things in that place, Cahir. I was almost raped again! I was attacked by a fucking Jotnar! I witnessed a friend of mine give birth,alone, and heard her cries for her baby. I had to listen to them beat her and watch as they dragged her and her lifeless baby away.” Her voice cracked as her tears welled again, electric shocks emitting from their silken drops.
Cahir was silent for a long time before he said, “I’m sorry, Seda. But I’llneverforce you to have my child. The rest of what you asked was true.”
“The rest of what?” she snapped, throwing her hands in the air and shooting a spark at the ceiling.
Cahir looked up at the spot, the ceiling now blackened. “That I’ll always be by your side, if you want me to be. And that I love you. I was always telling the truth about that. You are and havebeen mybestfriendin this entire fucked up world. You mean everything to me.”
Hisfriend. Was that not what she had told him countless times? Why did it sting now when he said it? She winced.
“Will you tell me what the Wisps told you?” he asked, seemingly trying to change the subject.
She wiped the tears from her cheeks and chin with the back of her hand. She sat back down and waited for several heartbeats, watching that same stupid spot on the wall, unsure how to start.
She took a deep breath and wiped her nose again, her gaze shifting back to his. “They told me I needed your help to find all four stones and achieve harmony with them. That’s why I’m here,the only reason.” She watched with satisfaction as he forced himself to swallow.
A knock interrupted their conversation, and they both looked toward the door. An older man with a long gray beard and the woman who had exposed her breasts when she arrived, casually walked in.
Seda tensed. Flashes of her nude form in front of Cahir swirled through her mind, and a wave of nausea curdled within her stomach.
Seeing her felt like someone was stabbing her in the chest with a dull knife, the soft blade bruising her heart.
She suppressed the feeling and narrowed her eyes, refocusing on her anger instead.
They both bowed, and when they rose, the old man asked, “King Ael, I wanted to check on you. Is everything okay?”
“Why isshehere?” Cahir asked the older man sharply.
The older man hesitated, looking between Cahir and the woman. “I came to see Seda with my own eyes, Sire, because I want to get to know her better… so I can research her powers more effectively. And since Neoma is also new to the castle, she wanted to meet Seda too, to make her acquaintance.”
Cahir glared at Neoma before looking back at the older man. “We’re having a private conversation, Meir.”
Meir bristled, quickly masking a face of anger. He apologized, and they turned to leave the room when Cahir said, “If Seda wishes to make friends,shecan choose who she wants to see, not have them forced on her. You and I need to talk, Meir. I was told some interesting information earlier, which explains a lot of the recent behaviors I’ve been noticing lately.”
Meir played with his fingers. “Yes, Sire. I?—”
“I’ll spend time with her,” Seda interrupted. She could make her own decisions, and if Cahir was going to spend his time with this woman, as his ‘friend’, she should get to know her better. She unfortunately needed something from Cahir now. Playing nice was in her best interest, even if it wasn’t sincere. She told herself she didn’t care whether Cahir or this woman were truly her friends.
The older man offered Seda a gentle smile.
She looked at Cahir, who had wide eyes and furrowed brows. “Umm.. as you wish, Seda,” Cahir said.
