“Hey.” Her voice is so weak it nearly brings me to my knees.
In an instant, I’m crouching on the floor next to her bed, brushing hair from her face. The strands are soft between my fingers. “God, Devin, I’m sorry. How are you feeling? What can I do for you?”
She doesn’t look any different than she did during any flare while we were together. They always brought dark bags under her eyes and made her shoulders slump forward. She would turn into the walking dead… and I would turn my back.
Too caught up in my own drama, I always saw her health issues as an excuse to not do things. Remembering those times, when I might as well have been blind as a bat, fills my eyes with tears.
“What’s wrong?” Her eyebrows pinch together.
“I’m sorry. For everything.” My palm slides down to her cheek, and she presses her hand over top of it, holding me there. Her skin is warm against mine.
“I know. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything at the resort. I?—”
“You didn’t have to.” I shake my head furiously. “That was all me. My fault.”
“I froze.”
I close my eyes, savoring her touch. The weight of her hand grounds me. “I figured you agreed with me.”
“That you’re not good enough for me? Never.”
Opening my eyes, I drink in the sincerity in her face. It’s the elixir I’ve been searching for this whole time, the confirmation that there’s always a better path to take.
And she’s here to take it with me.
“God, Devin,” I groan. “I’ve been so afraid that I fucked it up too badly this time. That… that…” The words congeal in my throat.
“No.” She shakes her head and sniffles, and I get into the bed next to her so that we’re lying side by side. The mattress dips under my weight.
“Ever since we met…” I choose my words carefully. It’s my chance to right the past—maybe the last chance I’ll ever get. “I’ve tried to keep from you how broken I am. I haven’t wanted to show you any weakness. I thought that if I did, you would leave.”
“Oliver, I’ve never expected you to be perfect.”
“I know. That was all on me. I expected myself to be perfect.”
“You know, I feel the same way sometimes,” she whispers. “Broken. Like I’m just not working right. I think a lot of people feel that way.”
“Yeah.” I run my hand up and down her side, my heart and body aching. Now that I’ve walked through her front door and returned to her, I never want to leave again. This is where I belong: right at her side.
“We need to see those parts of each other. It’s too hard to hide them. They always come out eventually.”
“I know,” I breathe.
“Also…” She presses her hand against my chest, brown eyes imploring. “You’re not broken. You just have a lot of stuff that’s coming up. Things that have been repressed over the years. It’s normal, and I want to be here for you every step of the way… If that’s okay.”
I open my mouth to tell her “yes” but something holds me back. Fear still clutches at my heart, a reminder of what has gone wrong and could go wrong again.
“I don’t want to hurt you again,” I murmur.
But she doesn’t look fazed at all. “We’ll hurt each other here and there. That’s inevitable, a part of relationships. I’m worried about hurting you too, but we—we can’t use it as an excuse to not try.” Her eyes fill with tears.
“What did I ever do to deserve you?” Cupping her face, I gently kiss her lips. Their satin touch sends waves of relaxation through me. “What do you need? How can I help with the flare?”
“I just need to be allowed to lie here for as long as I need to. That could be a day. It could be two. Or more.” She cringes at that last possibility.
I nod. “I understand. I swear, Devin, this won’t be like it was before.”
Her fingers lovingly close over my wrist, her smile bright and full of hope. “I know.”
