I missed mainland Alexandria. It had thrived in the night. Groupshanging out by seaside cafés, watching soccer matches in twenty-four-hour restaurants, driving beach buggies in country clubs.
Not here. As soon as night deepened, the entire neighborhood withdrew.
I watched prom proposal videos at top volume to chase away the quiet. Everything was packed and ready for my flight tomorrow. I should’ve been restless with nervous energy, thinking of fake stories to share with Baba. But America felt far-off and unreal, like an idle daydream I’d indulged in a little too long.
The house was heavier tonight. The dust motes seemed to swirl slower. Every groan and creak stretched for centuries. I played with the curtain by the window, searching for the moon behind the clouds. For some reason, I felt confident the moon would chase away the danger. If the moon emerged, then Khalto Safe would come home. Hamida would swing by with a smile and explain she’d been pranking me with that scene out there in the garden, and did I fall for it? The air would move normally again, releasing the villa from this smothering stillness.
The gates cast shadows over the still road, and a sense of danger dragged icy fingers through me.
I was on the wrong side of those gates.
The more the hours ticked by, the less effective the videos became at calming me down. The silence grew, layers upon layers. Suffocating.This room used to be Mama’s.
The thought came out of nowhere. I sat up, bedsprings creaking beneath me. Time became as thin as a thread, unspooling around me in a single, unbroken line.
In a million years, I wouldn’t be able to explain how, but Iknewmy mother had slept in this bed. Paced around these floors. I could see her imprint in flickers, like the corners of an unfinished memory, or a shadow in the corner of my eye.
At four in the morning, the birds started to scream.
I groaned, throwing my legs over the side of the bed. Every damn night. I could set my watch to the sound. The other animals joined, a mixture of frenzied howling and shrieking grating inside my ears. “What is it?” I mumbled. “What are you all screaming at?”
I pushed my feet into a pair of fuzzy slippers and slipped from the room. A warm glass of yansoon might help me sleep.
Darkness cocooned the second floor. Strange—I hadn’t heard Hamida come up, and I’d turned on every light in this villa the minute the sun set. I groped around the wall for a light switch.
Nothing. The light switch had vanished.
My slippers shuffled across the marble floor. I kept waiting to bump into a loose suitcase or an armchair, but my feet navigated the terrain without encountering any obstacles.
A peculiar notion crossed my mind. Perhaps my mother had walked these floors so often, she had worn a groove into the energy of the air itself. I was walking her steps, guided by whatever imprint she left behind.
I collided with a hard barrier. I reflexively reached for my toe, then stopped. What was I doing? I hadn’t hit my toe.
I straightened, and the darkness roiled.
A set of wide steps materialized in front of me. A banister ran along the side of the short stairwell, supported by white balustrades shaped like hourglasses.
My muscles tensed for only a second before they eased. The fear that had been coiled in my chest since I stepped into this house evaporated. My worries drained away. None of it mattered anymore. None of it could hurt me anymore.
At the top of the stairs, a door appeared.
Everything was going to be okay.
I reached for the banister, my arm operating of its own accord. Assoon as my palm settled over the smooth metal, my entire body seized. Electricity ran burning currents inside me, scorching through my veins.
Come to me, Mina,sang a sweet voice. Mama.Oh, I’ve missed you so.
I couldn’t speak. The electricity burned off the wetness of my mouth, leaving my teeth loose and brittle.
But I could still climb.
With each step I put behind me, my breath came easier. The burning eased, promising sweet relief if I could only reach the top step. Promising more of my mother.
My beautiful, beautiful daughter,she sighed.My greatest joy. The piece of my heart that lives outside my chest.
I reached the top step and stood in front of the door.
White and ornately decorated, it sent childlike joy washing over me. Terrible things couldn’t look this beautiful. This door would only take me to equally beautiful places. It could take me to the mountains at the world’s first snow; the Nile’s marshes before the floods; the earth’s finest flower as it unfurled its petals to the sun. This beautiful door could take me to my old house in Ward, where the languorous melodies of Mohamed Mounir filled our living room while Baba tried to cook Mama dinner on her birthday.
