31.2
Obese
Please describe your physical, mental, and emotional state as pertains to this clinical trial.
Look, I don’t care what your stupid little calculator says. I’m counting from my heaviest weight, which means… I’VE LOST ONE HUNDRED FREAKING POUNDS!!!!!
Like my friend Lizette said when I told her: “That’s un-fucking-believable.” She also said I should go to the ER immediately to make sure my internal organs aren’t hemorrhaging lol, but that’s another story…
Lizette might think I’m at death’s door, but right now it feels like the opposite’s true. Like I’m finally starting to live.
Though clinically I’m still considered obese, you wouldn’t know it looking at me. I’d describe my current body type as “cuddly,” as “bear cub,” as “There’s a guy with some meat on his bones but not in a bad way.” I’m SO much happier at this weight. It feels great to be down to a size XL, and for the first time I’m starting to appreciatemy face. I always thought I was ugly, but I don’t think I was—my handsomeness was just hidden. Looking at pictures from even a few weeks ago makes me cringe.
I say that, but I still don’t feel even close to being “thin enough.” In the course of an hour I might feel totally gorgeous and utterly grotesque. I still don’t take my shirt off at the beach. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve made great progress, but I have a long way to go. My goal weight is 150 pounds, slim and trim. At this rate I’ll be there in no time.
Even being this size has brought so many benefits to my life. My sleep apnea has improved dramatically—I probably don’t even need my CPAP anymore. Dr. Halleck recently rechecked my blood, and my A1C is down to 4.2—far below the diabetic danger zone. I have so much more energy and desire to go places, even the gym (though mostly, I admit, to take workout videos for Instagram). People seem to be treating me differently there these days, not constantly congratulating me or resenting me for using the machines. It’s almost—ALMOST—like I belong.
It’s probably no coincidence that I was recently promoted at work, and I’m thriving in my new role. This week I started rolling out a new series of guest engagement trainings. It’s so nice to be teaching again and to have the respect of my teammates. They’ve already improved their skills by leaps and bounds and seem to be feeling more confident because of it. It’s the best feeling as an educator. If only actual teaching could’ve been this way. Who knows, maybe I’ll give it another try one of these days. Nothing seems out of reach anymore… XD
But perhaps the biggest thing improving my “mental and emotional state” is my love life—specifically, the fact that I actually have one now!!! I recently reconnected with an old classmate and we’ve been really hitting it off. The whole thing is so surreal. A few years ago I used to daydream about being with him, and now it’s actually happening!
I’m taking things slow, so no action yet except for a couple of tipsy kisses, but we’ll get there. Honestly, the idea of showing someone my body still freaks me out a little. Okay, a lot! But Aaron’s not likethe other guys I’ve dated. He accepts where I’m at, even when I can’t. My body has changed so much so fast. I guess it’s just taking my mind a little while to catch up…
He’s invited me over to his place Saturday night and—it needs to be said FOR SCIENCE—I think we’re going to do it.
God, I sound like a freaking teenager!
Whatever. That’s how he makes me feel.
In fact, that’s how this whole process makes me feel—like I’ve been given another chance at life. And this time, I’m not going to waste it.
CHAPTER 24
Aaron’s apartment building was a modern luxury high-rise in the heart of Hillcrest, boasting an abundance of premium amenities including a yoga studio, rooftop lounge, and wellness center with sauna. Judging by the online photos, no one there was older than thirty-two or under eight on the attractiveness scale. Their too-white smiles suggested flourishing sex lives and paid-off student loans. The smallest studio started at $2,580 per month.
Emmett picked up Chinese on the way and took the elevator up to the third floor. When he answered the door, Aaron looked stricken and was speaking into the phone at his ear: “I know, it’s crazy.” He gave Emmett a one-armed hug and a peck. “Sorry, come in. Just be a second.”
Emmett stepped inside. Noting the rack by the door, he removed his shoes and followed Aaron down the hall as he wrapped up the call. The one-bedroom apartment was clean and stylish, decorated in lived-in midcentury modern. Emmett set the food on the island and turned as Aaron said, “Sorry about that. My boss.”
“Everything okay?”
“Do you know Georgina Hodge?”
The missing woman from Future Makers. Emmett ignored a prickle of discomfort. “Not well. I interviewed with her once. Did they find her?”
