FD:From what I gather, Hank and Emmett didn’t get along too well.
AT:At first they did. We all liked Hank. He was nice, funny. A little strict. A military brat. Brought up Mormon. No longer practicing, but he still lived by a lot of the rules. No caffeine or alcohol. Healthy body, healthy mind, all that. The house—
FD:That’s the one in Poway. On Whispering Tree Lane.
AT:Right. It was Hank’s castle; he was the king. Everyone cleaned their mess, everyone had their chores. You didn’t do your chores, you didn’t eat, or so he threatened. Needless to say, Emmett was always the first to get his chores done. [Chuckles.]
FD:Did he always struggle with his weight, Emmett?
AT:[Pause.] He was never thin.Huskywas the word my mom used. She didn’t see it as a problem. Always said that as soon as he hit puberty, he’d have a growth spurt and all that baby weight would fall off, just like her brothers.
FD:Sounds like she had a relaxed attitude toward food.
AT:Relaxedis an understatement. For Mom, food was everything. If you got straight A’s at school, she’d take you to McDonald’s to celebrate. If you didn’t make the cheerleading squad, she’d pick up Ben & Jerry’s on the way home so you could eat your feelings. She said it was the Italian mother in her. Food was how she showed she cared. And she did care. If you didn’t eat seconds or thirds at dinner, she’d make a joke like she was offended, but I think there was some truth to it. Rejecting her food was like rejecting her love.
FD:So Emmett might have felt pressured to eat more than he cared to.
AT:I didn’t say that.
FD:What would you say?
AT:I just feel like we were never taught about food as fuel for our bodies. For us, food was happy, food was comfort, food was a release valve for our stress. We learned about nutrition in school, but by then it was almost too late. Then Hank came along, and he was the polar opposite. He had all these rules for the “right” way to eat. Take small bites. Put your fork down between mouthfuls. Chew your food forever before swallowing.
FD:You said he and Emmett got along “at first.”
AT:After we moved to Poway, Hank started to show a different side of him.
FD:Different how?
AT:Harsher, maybe? More judgmental? He began to make little comments about our weight.
FD:The three of you?
AT:Emmett and me mostly. Mom kept herself pretty trim in those days. When she wasn’t around he’d drop these little comments, basically saying that I was getting fat, that no man would want to marry me if I didn’t shape up.
FD:Oh boy.
AT:He was always on me about going out for sports, which I did. Then when I was training three times a week and still not losing weight, he accused me of not playing hard enough, being lazy. That was a big one for him—laziness. It really got under his skin.
FD:Do you feel he was harder on you as a girl?
AT:Oh yeah. It’s always harder for girls, for women. But he did it to Emmett too. And Emmett, he was sensitive like a girl. I don’t mean that in a stereotypical way. Just that he had that sensibility. Sometimes I think that counts for just as much.
FD:What kind of things would Hank say to Emmett?
AT:He’d encourage him to skip meals. Told him that if he was hungry he should drink a glass of water. Hank only ate once a day, usually a plate of Spam and rice. With Tabasco, always with Tabasco. He said one meal was all the body needed. One time Emmett was out sick from school and Hank agreed to stay home with him. Later when I went into Emmett’s room to check on him, he told me Hank hadn’t given him anything to eat all day. Nothing but water.
FD:And your mom, did she have anything to say about that?
AT:Oh, she was furious. I could hear her shouting from my room. “He’s five years old, for fuck sake! You can’t just starve him!” But Hank, he had a way of smoothing these things over, of making it seem like it was just a misunderstanding.
FD:And was it a misunderstanding?
AT:I want to think so. But then, I always got the sense that stuff was going on that Mom and I didn’t see.
FD:How so?
AT:For example, the day we found out Mom and Hank had eloped. We’d just come back from my dad’s house while they were vacationing in Palm Springs. Mom called me into Emmett’s room—
