Cord leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he looked me direct in the eye.
“Eric, a blind man could see how much that woman adores you. Even if you’d painted her new sensory room neon yellow she’d still love it because you created it for her.”
I rolled my eyes, even as I relaxed slightly. “I highly doubt Calla would be happy about any room with fluorescent walls.”
Cord smirked, sitting back up straighter. “Didn’t say she’d be happy, said she’d love it because you’d done it for her. She’d probably never go back in the room again. But since you didn’t make that kind of screw up, you don’t have to worry. You know she’s going to love her playroom and the sensory room. What is it you’re really worried about? Talk to me, Eric. You know me, no judgment. Let me help.”
With a growl I scrubbed my palms over my face before looking back to my friend, weariness pulling me down.
“She deserves better than me.”
He frowned. “Why would you say that? As far as I can see, you’re exactly the caring Daddy she needs to thrive.”
An ache hit my chest. “There’s a sixteen year age gap between us. Hell, I could be her father.”
Cord shook his head. “Nope. That’s not why you’re feeling unworthy of her. You know as well as I do that there’s nothing unusual about your age gap in the Daddy/Little community. Stop throwing bullshit at me and tell me the real reason.”
I opened my mouth and he held his hand up.
“And if you’re about to say something stupid like she’s your patient, don’t. You know full well Bobbi was my patient first before she became my everything. Just like Calla for you.”
This was the issue with having friends who knew you too well. Who cared. They tended to call you out when you were lying to them or yourself. Cord knew about my kidnapping, knew who’d held me. He was a smart man, a trained psychologist, so while I’d never told him exactly what had happened to me while I’d been under Elita’s control, I was sure he’d figured most of it out.
“I can’t be what she deserves. Not after what happened. She’s so young, Cord. She’ll want a family, a man who can make love to her?—”
My voice broke, the shame that came with revealing even that hint at what had been forced on me to a friend paralyzed me as I waited for his reaction.
“As you’ve probably already guessed, I’d looked into you before you were offered the job here. I know about your kidnapping. From all accounts, Elita Sabella was as ruthless and cruel as her father had been, maybe even more so. I know that while the nurse she also took did not survive, she kept you alive for your medical skills, but I don’t need my psychology degree or my years of experience in the field to fill in the gaps of what else she would have used you for.”
He paused, arms crossed over his chest as he watched me for a minute. I stayed silent. I didn’t need to confirm his assumptions for him to know he was right.
“I’m also aware that you’ve received extensive counseling since your rescue. My professional experience has taught me time and again that traditional therapies are often not enough in cases like yours. Sometimes life experience is needed to fully heal. To know when our thoughts are lying to us. To learn how to trust the world around us again. Like Calla has done over thesepast months. The fragile broken girl who arrived with her mind splintered from fighting for her survival is gone, and in her place is a young woman whose mind and body are growing stronger every day. Have you realized how incredible she really is? The only consistent message her life has taught her is that men are bad. They’re untrustworthy and they will hurt her. Yet she barely hesitated to lean on you, to trust that you had her best interests at heart.”
My frustration grew, Cord was just proving my point. I knew how amazing she was.
“Exactly, Cord. She’s so much better than me.”
Cord cut me off with a shake of his head, the sympathy in his gaze a punch to the gut my ego struggled to absorb.
“Your thoughts are not facts, Eric. It is not your fault that you and Lilly were taken. There was nothing you could have done to prevent her death, to change the fact that you lived while she did not. You are not less of a man because of what happened to you. Elita Sabella is solely responsible for all of it. The guilt and shame you’re still carrying? Put it back in that damn grave with her. You need to stop letting a dead woman hold your future captive. You’re letting her win.”
Cord’s words echoed through my mind, burning through the lies my pain had been telling me for years. Rage flashed through me at how stupid I’d been to let that inner wound fester, the infection from it spreading. I was a damn doctor, I knew what happened when you didn’t treat a wound. And were mental ones really all that different to physical ones?
“That bitch doesn’t get to win a damn thing.”
Cord nodded. “The best revenge is a life well lived. Go get your girl, Eric. Take her to the house you built for her, tell her how you feel. Be honest with her about your past. Let her tell you about hers, the stuff the media didn’t get hold of.” He stood and moved over to me, clasping his palm on my shoulder. “It’s timefor you both to leave your pasts behind and move forward. You can both have what you’ve always dreamed of having. Yours is right in front of you, my friend. All you need to do is reach out and grab it.”
Then he strode from the office, leaving me alone to reflect over all he’d said. To push past my fears and focus on what really mattered. It was as if Lilly herself was confirming what Cord had said. I’d had no way of saving her that horrid night. And that left one defining thought in my mind: Fate hadn’t brought Calla to Rawhide for me to save her. She was courageous, resilient and so damn brave. She wasn’t a damsel in distress waiting for her prince charming. It had been me who’d needed her to come tomyrescue.
I still thought she deserved more than what I could give her, but thanks to Cord’s pep talk, I realized that was okay. Because with her help, I’d become better. For my little Calla Lily I’d do whatever it took to make sure I was good enough for her.
Rolling my shoulders, I rose to stand and headed toward the door. I needed to go get my woman and take her to the house I’d had built for us. And if she didn’t like anything about it, I’d have the builders redo it until she did.
Chapter Fourteen
Calla
No matter how hard I tried to stay focused on the teacher at the front of the classroom, I couldn’t manage it for more than a few seconds before my mind drifted off to other things. Reaching for my pencil case, I slipped my fidget cube out, and began running my fingers over each side, allowing the familiar bumps and grooves to ground me. I managed to listen for about two minutes of Professor Easton explaining something about profit and loss calculations before my mind wandered off again.
