“She was in an abusive relationship, and none of us noticed. That guilt is something I’ll forever be living with, even though she’s going to make a full recovery.”
“How?”
“She slit her wrists open. Mom and I found her.”
Blair takes in a sharp intake of breath, eyes closing momentarily. Then, unexpectedly, she pulls me into a tight hug. Her face is buried in my chest, and my arms wrap around her, pulling her to sit on my lap. She snuggles into me, and my heart skips a beat.
Even though she survived through horror, she still trusts me to hold her like this. And that’s something I’ll never take for granted.
My fingers run through her wet hair, and I allow myself to break a little. Is it pathetic, especially given what she’s gone through? Yes, but the fact that she’s trying her best to comfort me makes me love her even more.
“I’m so sorry,” she says, voice muffled by my shirt. She pulls back a little, genuine pain on her face for my little sister. “I noticed a while back that she had some bruises. She said they were volleyball injuries.”
“She told me the same thing. I should’ve pried more. I should’ve done anything to prevent it from becoming this bad. It’s all my fault.”
Blair’s eyes harden as she looks at me.
“Excuse me?”
The words fall out of my mouth before I can stop them. “It’s all my fault. I didn’t notice her withdrawing from me until itwas too late. I didn’t notice her pain until she tried taking her own life. It’s all my fucking fault. Then… there’s you. I failed you, butterfly. I failed you so fucking badly. You were kidnapped because of me. You relived your worst nightmares, your biggest trauma, because of me. It’s my fault I didn’t get to you in time before they hurt you. If I’d been smarter, quicker, and better, you wouldn’t have gone through this. I’m so sorry, Blair. I’m so sorry for being useless.’’
The impact hits me immediately, her palm connecting with my cheek. When I look back at her, I still feel her hand linger on my skin. Her eyes are full of angry tears, rolling down her face. Her jaw is clenched tightly, and her hand is trembling as she lowers it.
“Don’t you ever fucking say it again.” The pain in her voice shoots through me, and as soon as tears start sliding down her face, I start hating myself even more for letting that little rant leave my mouth. “It wasn’t your fault. None of this is your fault, do you understand me? It’s Aria’s ex-boyfriend to blame. It’s Simmons to blame. Not you. Never, ever you, Arlo. You believed me when no one else did; you saved me from the hell I’ve been forced into twice. Please, don’t ever say it again. Because hearing that makes me hurt even more.’’
The raw emotions in her trembling voice reach me, and all I can do is nod wordlessly. It doesn’t erase the guilt or the shame that I’m feeling, but knowing that Blair doesn’t blame me does lift the weight off my shoulders a little.
“I’m sorry.”
Blair shakes her head. “Don’t apologize.”
“But—”
With a sigh, Blair cuts me off by cupping my cheeks and kissing me.
FIFTEEN
My hands cup the back of her thighs. Effortlessly, I pick her up, carrying her out of the kitchen. She doesn’t break the kiss, only grips the side of my neck tighter. Blair practically weighs nothing in my arms, and my heart thumps against my ribcage. It’s been happening since the first time we met back in prison.
She owns me. She left a permanent mark on me and deeply engraved her name into my soul, and it’s there to stay. Not that I mind — I don’t. I’d let her tattoo her name on my forehead so the entire world would know who I belong to. Utterly and completely hers.
Blair’s lips taste divine. She pours all of heremotions, all the anger, all the sorrow, and all the pain she’s endured into it, and I accept it with grace. I’m careful with my steps, walking up the flight of stairs and carrying her toward her room in the house.
I push the door open with my foot, and once we’re inside, I shut it behind me. Blair pulls back just as I lay her down on the soft mattress of the bed, crawling on top of her. For a moment, I just stare at her.
She has freckles dusted all over her nose and a little under her eyes. Those big, bambi eyes stare right back at me with so much yearning, trust, and love that it causes my throat to start closing up. Simply because I don’t deserve any of it.
“Blair,’’ I whisper, softly cupping her cheek. She leans into my touch, a sigh of content barely audible. “I love you. I love you so much.’’
She peels them open, staring at me through glossy eyes. Her throat bobs as she swallows, her hand trembling when she puts it over mine on her cheek. For a moment, neither of us speaks.
“You’re the reason I’m still holding on, Arlo,’’ she whispers, almost as if she’s afraid to voice the words out. “You’re the reason I firmly believe there’s a light at the end of this tunnel. You’re the reason I’m fighting so hard against these demons in my mind. So, thank you. Thank you for coming into my life when I needed you the most. Thank you for staying.’’
Hearing the vulnerability in her voice wrecks me. I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. “Blair, baby…’’
The words get cut off when she reaches for the buttons on my shirt. She avoids eye contact but starts undoing them one by one, starting at the top. It takes me a moment to comprehend what’s happening, eyes widening slightly.
“Blair, what are you—’’
