Mom’s head snaps in my direction, eyes slightly wide. They’re bloodshot, filled with unshed tears that are forcing their way out of the corners of her eyes, her cheeks stained with previous ones.
“She was under my nose this whole fucking time?!”
The screaming of her words throws me into the abyss of my demonic mind. The blame, the guilt, they all resurface, and if possible, it’s stronger than before. The way my Mother, the woman who is the epitome of strength, looks so broken is killing me on the inside.
“And… I killed her.”
The silence that follows is like someone’s piercing every single organ inside of my body with a ton of tiny needles, every bone in my body aching. Mom’s eyes are looking at me, and she’s hoping this is all a joke, that this is some sort of my sick, and twisted sense of humor.
But it’s not.
It’s the fucked up reality I’m living in.
“You did…what?”
I swallow thickly, shame and guilt evident on my face. My throat is closing up, and the words aren’t leaving my lips. I openmy mouth, then close it. There are no words that could ever justify my actions.
No matter what the circumstances were, what I did is unforgivable, and unjustifiable.
“I killed Luna,” I repeat.
The words start to sink in, and her face tells it all. Her emotions range from disbelief and shock, to agony and anger. Her pale face doesn’t move, and her hands clutch the tombstone, her knuckles turning white.
“When?”
“It was right after you were shot.”
Her eyes close for a moment, and all the tears that she’s been holding back start flowing down her cheeks freely. She sucks in a sharp intake of breath, and the silence, the way she’s not responding to me is eating me on the inside.
“Please… say something.”
Her eyes snap open, and what I see paralyzes me to the bones. Not a single fucking emotion on her face, as if she managed to shove them all away, to lock them up inside of her and I don’t think a key even exists.
“Get the hell out of my face, Arlo.”
EIGHTEEN
Arlo was here.
My nightmares have returned. They’ve gotten stronger, too. Sometimes, it’s just Paul’s face haunting me as I’m forced to relive the abuse he put me through. Other times, it’s just the darkness of my mind that’s not letting me wake up – keeping me trapped deep within its clutches.
I need to increase the dose of heroin I’ve been using, because it’s no longer doing the trick. It no longer keeps the nightmares away.
And each time, I’d wake up covered in sweat, my breathing heavy. The only thing that’s been able to calm me down is the fact that Arlo was here. His scent would be the first thing I smellwhen I wake up from the terrible dreams, and it’s soothing to know that he’s lurking in the shadows.
I knew he’d find where Kaya and I were staying eventually, but I didn’t think he’d come.
The thought of him watching me sleep, just keeping me safe from a distance that once seemed uncrossable, makes my heart warm. The man who stalked me day after day back in Long Grove, for two years, is at it once again. The fact that he’s here to stay, despite the demons that are overfilling my head is making me happy.
Just the thought of Arlo is making me happy.
Besides, it had to have been Arlo. I highly doubt that Arson could’ve materialized inside of my room, miles away from where I left her, in the middle of the night. She’s been curled into my side since I found her last night, purring and cuddling. My little baby. She’s been hopping from one place to the other, and although it must’ve been terrible for her to be in so many new territories in such a short amount of time, I know she was well taken care of. She’s gotten a little too chunky for my liking, but at least she was being fed well.
The door bursts open, and Kaya enters. Arson jumps off my lap, hissing at the girl, but Kaya only throws her a dirty glance, then completely ignores her. Kaya’s not the one to randomly pop into the bedroom she’d given me, and I immediately sit up in the bed.
“Alright, two things. Both are bad news, pick one.”
“Uh… the worst one?” I shrug.
