“That’s alright,” I respond. “Speaking of Jewel, how the hell did you manage to get such a sweetheart of a person to marry you?”
Freya blinks. “That little menace is a sweetheart?”
“Well, she’s your polar opposite, so I’d say so, yeah.”
Freya laughs, and I think this is the first time I’ve heard her laugh genuinely. I’m a little skeptical, brows narrowed, and as soon as she sees it, the laughter dies out. She’s back to her old, grumpy-looking self.
“Anyway,” she clears her throat, “Let’s find our seats. Everyone will be here soon, and I really want to get drunk.”
“Are we celebrating anything, or do you just want to forget all of this even exists?”
Freya sighs. “To be honest, I just need a single night that won’t turn into an absolute nightmare. I need something that will keep me going.”
I follow her to the couch, and everything’s already been set up. A lot of bottles of alcohol right underneath the small, glass table, with two packs of cards. I slump into the middle of the couch, sprawling and leaning my head back, staring at the ceiling.
“God, it’s so hard to relax when there’s this dark cloud looming over our heads.”
“You’re telling me,” she snorts. “I’ve already lost my eye, and this shitstorm is so far from finished. I can’t wait to go back to tending to my pretty, little flowers, and making poisons for a living.”
Slowly, I look back at her. She’s not one to open up and speak so freely of her emotions, but even with such a little sentence, the impact remains. Her eye is covered with a black patch, the bandage that was underneath is now gone.
“How are you dealing with it?” I ask, signalling to her patch.
“About as well as one could expect,” she shrugs, taking a seat on the floor, and playing with the cards. She’s just shuffling them, without looking at her hands or what she’s doing. “It’s hard to get used to not having both eyes. It’s only when shit like this happens that we realize how good we had it.”
“There’s no way for you to regain your vision?” The question is futile, because I already know the answer.
Freya shakes her head. “None. The nerves are all dead, my entire socket’s out, Blair. I’ll just have to get used to the fact that I have one less eye.”
“Do you still want to be here?” I ask, and a beat of silence follows. A small frown etches onto Freya’s face, and I continue, “I mean, Arlo would understand if you wanted out of this. It’s not all black and white, it’s not like you can’t leave.”
“I could,” she nods. “But I’m nothing if not The Poisoner, girl. This is all I have, Blair. I’ve dedicated a whole decade to this, I’m not just going to quit because shit got hard. All I have to do is be more careful when mixing my poisons and chemicals, to make sure I don’t blow myself up. Otherwise, I’ll be fine. I love what I do.”
It’s not a first. As much as this line of work comes with murder, gore, and violence, I can understand why a lot of people like it. It’s all they’ve ever known, and when you’re so deep into it, mentally and physically, not many would want out.
I don’t want out of this life, either.
From the moment I found out what Arlo did for a living, there wasn’t a single day I wanted him to quit. I know he’d never, and in some ways, I don’t want to, either. This has become such a big part of my life, and I don’t think I’d ever be able to live a normal life after living on the edge for so long.
Call me a psychopath; I don’t care.
The night ends on a good note, though.
Aside from myself, Freya, and Jewel, another couple of girls from the organization join us. They’re all so…normal.They’re talking about their day-to-day lives, drinking, laughing, and adding in some jokes that actually make me giggle.
And for a moment, just a small, single moment, I forget about the mess that we’ve found ourselves in. Freya was right; this was exactly what we needed. Although I don’t drink, it was still a phenomenal evening.
Everyone was welcoming, and no one seemed to be bothered that I was there, because deep down, I’ll always blame myself for this mess. I’ll always be the one responsible for turning their lives upside down, and it’s a burden that I’ll carry for the rest of my life.
I’m just grateful no one’s blaming me, too. Self-doubt is a bitch, and it’s going to swallow me whole at some point.
Freya taught me how to play proper poker, and even offered a couple of tips and tricks. Am I good at it? Definitely not, but I’m learning, and it’s fun. However, the fact that I was able to have a single night off without anything happening should’ve told me everything I needed to know.
While I was too busy laughing, playing poker and having a good time, I didn’t notice the storm that was slowly approaching.
THREE
The smell of the hospital hits my nose as soon as I walk through the door, a wave of chills running down my back. It’s physical proof of just how much I loathe this place, even my body reacts to the stench.
