She started to back away toward the staircase, and I stood up a little too quickly, making her jump. I couldn’t imagine what would cause her to react that way suddenly, but I made a mental note to slow my movements around her.
“Actually, I have something for you. Come here for a sec.”
“Oh, okay.” Her quiet steps trailed mine to the porch where I reached into my coat pocket and pulled out a small container of bear spray.
“Keep this with you when you’re walking around outside. You never know what kind of wildlife you’ll run into around here.” I handed her the canister and showed her how to use it—which way to point and how to squeeze. My hands fit on top of hers like finding a missing piece to a puzzle, and I relished in the moments I got to warm up her frigid fingers.
Then I started pulling open a few drawers, looking for something Iknewhad to still be here.
“There it is,” I said, fishing out a big clunky satellite phone. “This is Melody’s old phone, we just keep it here for emergency use, but it already has all our phone numbers saved in it. Take this with you, too. It will work anywhere, and you’ll never be alone.”
“Thank you.” Her voice was barely above a whisper and hereyes were shining with unshed tears as she clutched the phone and books like she gripped the blankets in bed last night.
I almost told her about how I had covered her up when she quickly turned away to head up the stairs. Watching her walk away from me, I instantly knew that was a sight I didn’t want to get used to.
As the evening wound down, I found my mom and grandma playing cards in the kitchen. Grandma Trixie may have been my dad’s mom, but you’d never know. They had an instant affinity for each other when my dad first brought Mom home, but losing both of their spouses in such a short timeframe brought them closer in a way I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
“Good night, Mom, good night, Gram,” I said, pressing a kiss on each of their heads.
They gave each other a knowing look before Mom put her hand on my forearm and stopped me. “Calvin, sweetie, we’re going to be all right. I know it’s hard to see sometimes, but we’re doing okay, and we’re going to manage.”
I knew she was talking about the business. While we each ran our own aspects of the business, it was a constant battle between us trying to lighten the other’s load, and I knew she was taking on too much stress as the numbers hadn’t been working in our favour for a while now. Regardless of if I believed her now or not, I wouldn’t accept any other option. Of course, we were going to be okay. I would make sure of it.
“I know, Mom.”
“Good. Don’t forget to chase your happy while we get there, okay? There’s enough of it in Love for all of us.”
“I’ll try.” Although I tried to smile, I was sure the empty promise was written all over my face.
Guilt led the way as I drove the short distance to my home. Once I got my feet settled in the family business, I had decided to build a house for myself on our land. Something I knew my parents wanted for each of us siblings, but I had been the first one to make the move. I modeled my house after my grandparents’ classic farmhouse. Complete with a wrap-around deck on all four sides. There were five bedrooms, four bathrooms, and a huge entertainment space in the basement, along with my gym. There was still some unfinished space on the third floor that I was waiting on a spark of inspiration for, but otherwise my house was perfect. The only thing missing was the family I thought I’d have filling it by now. I wanted to follow my mom’s advice and chase my happy, but I didn’t know how to do that while still providing for my family and making sure they didn’t take on too much.
As I pulled up in front of my house, I thought I saw movement out of the corner of my eye but when I looked to the bushes that edged my property, I couldn’t make out anything but the silhouette of the trees. Probably just an animal roaming around now that it had cooled off, or maybe that bear cub still finding his way.
The thought was gone the next moment as I opened my door and was greeted with an attack of claws and a sound that was more a screech and a howl than it was themeowof a typical cat.
“Hello, Bernard. Yes, I missed you, too, you terrifying beast.” I laughed as he nuzzled his head into my neck.
Who needed romance when you had the love of a cat every time you came home?
I awoke with less of a startle the next morning, but it still took a few moments for my consciousness to catch up to my surroundings as I blinked and focused on the soft orange glow of the first light of the sunrise. I must have fallen asleep reading last night as I noticed the book on the history of Love on the floor.
Love had been originally referred to as Love Siding, named after the railroad, that crossed through the town and the first conductor, Tom Love, to have driven through.
I thought back to the old, gorgeous rail house I saw yesterday. It must have been original to the town. Such a unique building, it was sad to see it so run down.
I got out of bed and stretched before leaning over to pick up the book and swap it for a fantasy novel I had also picked up from the library. The clock said I had almost two hours before Trixie had breakfast set out, and I was grateful for it.
Mornings were my favourite time of day. It was the only time I seemed to get a bit of blissful peace. The only moments during the whole day where my attention wasn’t drawn to the needs of everyone else, and I was able to just be with myself. Sometimes I would work out, other times I would read or journal, but I wascertain it was within all those moments—where the world was quiet and my thoughts were loud—that I found the courage to finally choose me.
My regular early morning routine had me quite familiar with the sunrises in Utah, but nothing could have prepared me for the sight of the world coming to life on the Saskatchewan prairies as I pulled open the curtains. The sun hadn’t even crested the horizon yet, but the sky looked as though it was on fire. The dark royal blue of the night was a backdrop to the paint splatter of colour spreading upon it. The golden light of the sun was a faint line against the fields, but above it was a sea of burning red, dipping and swirling with the clouds that slowly receded.
I pulled the reading chair over to the window so I could sink into it and take in the view, knowing it would change minute by minute. As I watched the show the world seemed to be putting on just for me, I was filled with an immense burst of inspiration. No matter what nightmares the dark would bring, the sun would always rise.And so would I.
The delicious smells wafting up to my room from the kitchen were impossible to ignore any longer, so I closed my book and quickly got myself ready to head downstairs. Seeing my bags that I had yet to go through had a small jolt of panic course through me, but I refused to let it take hold.
This time, I was determined to be better prepared for the guys to come in and I wouldn’t make a fool of myself like yesterday. But I was also thankful I had plans with Melody today and wouldn’t need to battle the awkwardness I portrayed when I was around Calvin. The demeanor of all the men here wasso different from what I was used to with Nick, but even he had fooled me in the beginning with his possessive comments that were disguised as declarations of love.
This time, I knew better and would do a better job at protecting my heart.
