He’d run and tell her that right now if he hadn’t ruined things between them. Taking her as his wife would solve everything, and no one would naysay the union. A widower, especially onewith small children, was allowed to remarry almost immediately—was expected to, in fact—but the bride had to be willing.
Caroline couldn’t possibly want him after the way he had abandoned her, and he doubted he could overcome his shame if she did.
He’d crave her till his dying breath, but he’d squandered the chance to ever call her his.
Both Noah and Jewel fell asleep after lunch while playing on the rug in front of the fire.
“Penny for your thoughts,” Jackson said as he and Caroline sat, sipping tea over the remnants of the meal.
She feared that if she were truthful, he might regret asking, but she risked spoiling the mood and answered honestly. “I was recalling the first few months after the war and wondering if there was something I could have done to protect Amanda.”
His expression sobered, but he didn’t turn sour or look away.
“I sensed there was a slippery side to Ross’s charm,” she went on, “but I thought he was a harmless flirt. I should have paid closer attention. I let her down.”
“I did, too.”
“How?” By the time the army released Jackson to come home, the damage was done.
“I saw flaws in Ross’s character from an early age, but I kept making excuses, kept telling myself he’d grow out of it. My indifference didn’t only allow harm to come to your sister,” he said in a thick voice. “It affected us all. I ruined three lives.”
Caroline shook her head. “You didn’t ruin anything. He did.”
Saying it out loud eased her anger towards both men, but it also brought guilt to the surface. Guilt so strong she had to look away. “I can’t blame Ross for my bitterness toward Amanda, though,” she admitted, listening to the crackles of the burning wood and wincing at tinges of remorse, as if she were close enough to feel the hot spit of sap. “I should have been more forgiving and put my feelings aside. Instead, I allowed anger to come between me and my only sister.”
She met Jackson’s gaze, hoping he would see the contrition in her eyes. “I couldn’t bring myself to visit, to see the two of you together… I just couldn’t.”
“I understand. Amanda did, too.”
“But I could have written. I’ll carry that regret forever.”
Chapter 16
The weather had turned milder overnight, but it was the last day of November, and travel would become more and more unpredictable.
Caroline took the children outdoors before lunch to get rid of the fidgets. When they tired of playing chase, she helped them gather corn husks to craft into dolls and showed Noah how to make a spinning ‘buzz-saw’ toy from a large button and a piece of string.
“Dolls,” Jewel insisted, holding up a handful of husks.
“I’ll make them after lunch,” Caroline assured. “Let’s go watch the horses for a little while.”
Jackson had acquired a gelding in training that still wouldn’t accept a saddle, and he was working with him in the paddock.
When they reached the fence, Noah climbed until his head was above the top rail, and Caroline lifted Jewel into her arms, so she could see. “Shh,” she cautioned them. “We must be quiet so we don’t spook him.”
Jackson stood in the center, rope coiled in one hand, while the young gelding, a lean blue roan, stood at the far end, ears twitching, nostrils flaring.
Jackson didn’t rush him. He moved slowly and steadily, his voice low as he neared the animal, letting the rope drag in the dust behind him. The horse snorted and sidestepped, eyes wide, hooves stamping the earth in short bursts of protest. But Jackson kept his posture loose, as if he had all morning to teach and nothing to prove. “You’re more pride than muscle,” he said to the horse, a half-smile lifting the corner of his mouth. “Same as I was at your age.”
Once the horse was used to the feel of rope dragged across its back, Jackson brought over a saddle blanket. The colt tossed his head but didn’t bolt when he brushed it along his neck, so Jackson placed the cloth over the withers and let it rest with all its weight.
The horse allowed it for a time, then shook it off with a kick and trotted away.
Jackson leaned down and picked up the saddle blanket, then acknowledged them with a wave.
Caroline shifted Jewel to one hip and lifted a hand to shade her eyes. “What’s his name?”
“Jonah,” Jackson replied.
