“When you accept a mission, a position, a role, you don’t know how destructive it can become. You don’t see the damage it can cause over time until you have performed it for years and decades. Until you realize that role has now become your entire life. Day after day, night after night, entombed in this hollow world inside another hollow world. The egg within the egg, the infinity as a prison. Alone. You’re alone and have sworn to care for this library of monsters to the very end. You have given your word.
Only you hadn’t realized what a lonely job it would prove to be, how it would leech away your sanity, or how many monsters would escape the pages despite your best efforts. You hadn’t understood that no matter what, you’re not allowed to hide and save yourself, or just leave and go home.
Home. It doesn’t exist anymore. You’re exiled. Not allowed to go back.
You’re trapped, fighting for your life and sanity day after day. A new horror every morning, a new complication to fix and unravel. I was trained for this, and yet nothing could have prepared me. The monsters… they have many faces. They are manipulative. Charming at times. Murderous. Cunning. You can never let your guard down.
I’m a simple man. I may have loved books once, but I never wanted to come here. I had a life back home. I had hopes for the future, and there was a man… Well, it doesn’t matter now, does it? My hand was forced.
Now my loneliness is killing me. I think I hear echoes, but it’s my own voice replying back to me. In all honesty, I think I’m slowly losing my mind…”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
FIND YOURSELF
ADELINE
“See?” Olm whispers as I trudge after Roane and Ardruna, back through the dim tunnel with its moss-covered walls and slippery floor. “Didn’t I say he’s a barbarian?”
“He wants me to go home.” I press a hand to my cleavage where I’ve hidden the book. “That’s what I want, too.”
“The way of expressing a sentiment matters,” Olm insists, and okay, he’s right.
And yet it doesn’t matter at all. Soon I’ll be on my way back to rejoin my parents and return to my routine, even if it’s thieving to feed my family. I’ll be glad to be back, I tell myself, with people who care for me and don’t talk with grunts when they are annoyed.
“Didn’t they say you can’t leave here?” Olm asks.
“They did, but Roane seems convinced he can get me out.”
“Or maybe that’s just what he wants,” Olm argues. “He doesn’t want you around. Doesn’t care for your company.”
I wince. Roane’s opinion of me shouldn’t count; his desire to see me leave, either. This is stupid. I’m dying to go. Check on Eiras. Check on my parents. Leave this crazy and dangerous place behind. This was never my destiny. I’m a human, city girlwho loves books. Normal books. Where the monsters stay in the pages.
The passage comes to an end and we exit back into the great hall. Talton flies up and lands on Roane’s shoulder, as Ardruna trots by his side. Roane’s hand brushes over her back, fingers sifting through the white fur, and I slow to a stop.
He loves his companions. That small gesture of affection says a lot. I don’t understand why it touches me so deeply. This whole situation is messing with my mind, my emotions constantly shifting between terror, pity and a golden nostalgia.
“Aline!” Talton flies off Roane’s shoulder and circles over me. “Why have you stopped?”
“I was just lost in thought.” I smile up at him. “Go on, I’ll catch up.”
Croaking, he flies over Roane and Ardruna and vanishes deeper inside the hall. “Keep up!”
“Trying…” I hurry to reach them. “Wait.”
The lioness halts and turns to look at me. “How is your side?”
Casting furtive sideways glances to Roane who seems to be ignoring me, even though he has stopped, too, I shrug. “I’ll live.”
We resume walking and he doesn’t look at me as we move between the two rows of columns, his profile like a statue’s, his expression stoic and his mouth tight.
I think about what Olm said. Roane doesn’t particularly like me. He doesn’t know me, had to rescue me a couple of times already and share his probably meager food provisions with me. I’m disrupting his lifestyle, his space, and he may be worried about how to protect me and get me out of here.
Any sane person would be worried.
And maybe I’m not such good company. Eiras has always said I’m a pain in the backside, but Eiras loves me as a brother would. Roane doesn’t have such an obligation.
“Still lost in thought?” Talton asks.
