She was carrying our child and she must be treated with respect and care.
We got letters, of course.
First, we got the interesting news that Elizabeth’s parents had made a reconciliation. Apparently, with James out of the house for a number of weeks, there had been no barrier between them, and there was nothing that they could do except speak to each other. They were now carrying on like newlyweds.
I had never told Elizabeth what her father had confessed to me. I did not think she would wish to hear such things about her family. But I had to admit that this news cheered me, andit washed away the last vestige of concern I’d had, somewhere deep in the corners of my soul, about what would become of us.
Some part of me had worried that Elizabeth and I were too different, that she and I were too much at odds, and that somehow something would happen that cause a rift between us, in the same way that there had been a rift between her parents.
But now I let go of this worry entirely, for I saw we were nothing like them. We did not spite each other. Though we were at odds, the way that our being at odds twined through us made us closer, not farther apart. I enjoyed her fiery spirit, and I also enjoyed pleasing her. She liked to make me react.
I felt firmly that we should be quite happy together for the rest of our lives. I was assured of it.
We got other letters as well, letters that indicated that Caroline had not been with child at all, which was tidier for everyone involved, I supposed, but I still wondered at the inner twistings of such an association between persons. It was four of them, truly, all connected in various ways, and certainly it could not work out easily.
Elizabeth wished them all well, though. She would rest her head upon my shoulder and say that James was the best person in the entire world, and I would do my best not to react to that, because it had not exactly been my experience of the man. “He deserves to be happy,” she said. “He is so very good. Truly, he is the most trusting and magnanimous creature I have ever met.”
I would bite my tongue.
“Anyway, I am happy he found Charles,” she said. “When they are together, you know, when they look at each other, it makes me feel quite pleased.”
“I can see how it would, I suppose,” I said. “You love your brother very deeply.”
“When we were on our trip to the Lakes, for instance, they were ever so adorable with each other,” she said. “James neverthought he’d have anything like that. When we were young, this is why I wasn’t ever going to get married. He did not think he would have anything except a string of furtive interactions here and there with people he could never acknowledge as anything other than friends. And I suppose it is still true. It hurts my heart that they cannot have a wedding, that no one can know of them except our small circle. But hehassomeone.”
I had not thought of it from that perspective, I supposed. Perhaps I had been far too hard on James Bennet.
“I think I wasn’t able to do it before,” she said. “I was so caught up in worrying about myself. I worried first that I should be left behind, because I had never planned for James to love anyone besides me with any real attachment and intensity. I always thought it would be him and me, and then, suddenly, there was Charles.”
“Ah,” I said. “This is what you were jealous of. I have had it all wrong for all this time.”
“I told you I was jealous of being wanted.”
“Jealous of being settled,” I said.
She snuggled into me. “You like being settled, because you are so very prim—”
“If you call me prim one more time—”
“What? What are you going to do?”
“I shall be cross with you,” I said. “Very cross.”
Her laughter was like the peal of church bells on a crisp winter morning, perfect and joyful. “Anyway, then, I suppose I panicked, and I was quite susceptible to Mr. Wickham, and I would have made a terrible mistake and ruined everything, if you hadn’t been so swoonworthy and rescued me.”
“Now I have rescued you?”
“Oh, yes, you were practically riding in on a white charger with gleaming armor,” she giggled.
I kissed her forehead. “As long as it pleased you, my love. I live to please you.”
“Yes, you do.” She looked up into my eyes and we gazed at each other, and everything in the world was right in that moment.
So, we carried on together as autumn stole through the countryside, turning the leaves and making them fall. We carried on through the winter as the frost covered everything and the windows fogged against the cold.
Things were easy between us.
We were happy.
