“Well, I do not know about any of that,” I said. “That is not the primary reason I would object, I must say.”
“Oh,” she said, sounding dejected. “Itisabout that, then. It is entirely as James says, you are quite prejudiced against the both of them because of something they can’t help.”
“Can’t help?” I said. “They most certainly can.”
“Well, can you help it?” she said. “Can you help who you are attracted to?”
“Mrs. Darcy, men are always using this as an excuse, that they are so very drawn to someone or other that they cannot hold themselves back and must go at them as if we were all animals, but we are not animals and society would not function if men could not, in fact, stop themselves from ravaging everything in sight. So, I may not be able to stop myself from finding you utterly enchanting, but I certainly did not touch you until we were wed.”
She was very quiet.
I was still sweaty. I was worked up, now, and I did not think our strenuous lovemaking had done much to calm me. I wanted to sink into the bed and cease to exist, to simply become part of the mattress. “Apologies,” I muttered. “I should not have been so forceful.”
“You are correct, of course,” she said. “They do not have to act upon it. And I suppose it might make sense. This is the way of things, the way God works, after all. He tormented Job. He left the Israelites to wander in the wilderness for a generation. He withheld his son’s salvation until only eighteen hundred years ago, and he turned Lot’s wife into a pillar of salt for looking over her shoulder. God places temptation in people’s path and punishes them when they cannot resist it.”
“That is not God’s character,” I muttered.
“Is it not?”
I sighed. “No, God is forgiving and loving, and he—”
“You do not live as if you think so. You live as if you must make certain never to do anything wrong at all.”
I sighed again.
She sighed, too. She burrowed into my chest, her hand against my flesh. “Perhaps you should kiss me again. I wonder if we should simply cease to speak to each other, Mr. Darcy. Youare ever so very swoonworthy, and to be wanted by you, to be theone thingthat has ever made Mr. Darcy give in to temptation, and thewayyou give in to me, husband, I…”
I turned us over, pressed myself into her and kissed her, and she tangled her hands in my hair, and we did not speak again for some time.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
My valet discovered us together the next morning, and I only woke to his apologies as he left the room.
She moaned into my chest. “You will likely never forgive me that, being here and his seeing us.”
“There is nothing to forgive,” I said. “I like waking up with you in my arms, you know?”
“I do not know that,” she said. “Because you seem to despise it.”
“How could you say that?” I say, rather wounded. “You can see how much I delight in you, how much I care for you. You know I am desperately in love with you, my beautiful wife.”
She flushed a little and her smile was practically the sunbeam smile. “But you never wish to do it, to wake up with me,” she said. “You always leave in the night, even if we fall asleep in each other’s arms, you tend to leave and go back to your own room.”
“That’s not about you,” I said. “I suppose it’s mortifying, is it not?”
“Mortifying,” she said.
“Well, it’s not proper.”
“Mr. Darcy, there are a number of things that you seem to think are not proper, but I ask you, what could be more proper than a husband and wife cleaving to each other in this way?Why, are we not told in the bible to do it, to be fruitful and multiply? Is it not entirely natural? Every servant in this house who is married is doing all manner of improper things together, you know. I should think they would all understand that you would do them, too.”
I grimaced. Perhaps she was right. Perhaps I was being foolish. “Yes, but here. At Lady Susannah’s? What if we are the subject of gossip by the servants? What if she hears about it and feels we are encroaching on her hospitality?”
“I think she expects it, considering wearenewlyweds.”
I considered that. Could she be right? Was I overly worried about all of these things? “Perhaps I am being foolish, I suppose. We shall stay together at night, then, while we both wish it, and I shall stop thinking overmuch on it.”
“Truly?” She was surprised. “Have I changed the great and mighty Mr. Darcy’s mind about something?”
