Eventually, she broke the silence, her voice tentative. “But you do like kissing me? You do…” She swallowed. “You do want me in that way?”
I coughed again. “Here we are again, having this very improper conversation, Miss Bennet.”
“Mr. Darcy, it would please me that you wanted me in that way, as a man wants a woman. I would be quite pleased.”
I let out a noisy breath and I tugged her against me, and I kissed her again, kissed her and she gasped against me, catching my face in her hands.
When I pulled away, I whispered in her ear roughly, “I want you, Miss Bennet.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
We were married and the wedding was a bit of a blur. None of my family was there except Colonel Fitzwilliam, and then right afterward, he was called back to his duties with the army, and so we would not see him for some time.
Mrs. Bennet sang with her low, velvety voice after the wedding breakfast, sang a song about love and loss that kept everyone spellbound, and I saw Mr. Bennet, her husband, across the room, gazing at her with such a look upon his face, a look of something twisted and pained and yet shot through with a kind of longing that looked like hope.
I still did not know what had happened between her parents.
Lady Susannah spoke to us both, saying that she hoped we would hurry back from London, and we agreed to do that.
Mr. Bennet, Elizabeth’s brother, shook my hand and got misty eyed when he saw us off.
We took our carriage to my house in London, where everything was waiting for us.
In the carriage, she snuggled into me, and I wrapped an arm around her small and sweet body, holding her against me, and she felt like sheer bliss.
“Do we wait now?” she said. “Wait for kissing? We are wed, after all.”
“Wearewed,” I agreed and put my lips on hers.
And our night together, it was lovely.
We were both shy at first. I confessed to her that I had not done it, and she was ever so pleased about that, not the least bit disappointed with me for having not had any experience. She said she knew her body and she would teach it to me, and that I need not have learned anyone else’s.
And I was glad, then, only to know her, only to have shared this with her.
We bumbled about a bit, but I daresay we got the hang of it, in the end. It was not exactly complicated.
I thought it was likely not proper to spend the entire night in her bed, and that furthermore, it was probably less comfortable for her, having me there, taking up so much of her space. I was large and likely smelled of sweat and she would want me gone, I thought, but when I made to leave, she pressed in against me, her bare skin all along my own and said she wished I would stay and hold her all night.
And I could not help myself, I did.
I woke her with kisses in the morning, and she smiled her sunbeam smile up at me and my heart felt sore in the most lovely of ways.
I thought I could quite grow used to being married. I had absolutely nothing to complain about it.
“I should go now,” I said to her. “Your maid will come in and that will be scandalous.”
“Oh, a maid of my own,” she said. “Not having to share with Mama. You are too good to me.”
“No, no, you must have your own maid. That is not extravagance. I shall take my leave of you, though.”
She squirmed against me, and I was stunned at the sheer goodness of this moment, of the reality of her, the sweet perfection of her body against me and the way she kissed me and accepted me and wished me to wrap myself around her for thewhole of the night. “You must stay a little longer,” she sighed. “I do not wish to let you go.”
“Well, if you do not wish it, it must be as you say, then, my love.” I kissed her again.
“I think I should like it if we were scandalous, anyway,” she said.
I drew back, raising my eyebrows.
