“What?” said Richard, laughing. “Is this something women do?”
“Oh, can you doubt it?” said Elizabeth, laughing as well. “It is a service we provide for each other. Sometimes, I shall do it for my sister if she is unable. I shall say, ‘I know you must take the high road and think charitably on this woman, but I shall hate her for you.’”
Richard laughed harder. “I find it entirely amazing that women can turn hate on and off like turning the wick on a lamp. What a thing! Men are entirely unable to control their hatred in this way, or to use it with such precision.”
“Yes, it is true, the ability to wield hatred, or—at any rate—exclusion, is the highest power women have,” said Elizabeth.
“Oh, take that back,” said Richard, still laughing.
“You do not agree?” said Elizabeth.
“Ido not agree,” I said, furrowing my brow.
“No, no, it is obviously true, of course,” said Richard, “but we do not point these things out to people. No one wants to see these elements of themselves. Certainly no one wants such things said aloud.”
“You are correct, of course,” said Elizabeth. “This, you see, may be at the root of why it is people do not like me.” She shrugged, taking a sip of tea, seemingly unbothered.
“Women are not exclusionary,” I said. “Not by nature, anyway.”
“Oh, dear, Mr. Darcy, my sweet husband,” said Elizabeth. “How can you be so blind to this? Who does all of it, my darling? Who structures society? Who makes the rules of tea? Who dictates who is supposed to respond to letters about dinner parties? Who says that we may not speak to each other if we have not be introduced? Who is the architect of all of these things? It’s women.”
“I don’t know about that,” I said. “I am certain that—”
“No, she’s right,” said Richard, breaking in. “Men do not care about these things, by and large.”
I considered. “The social rules are… maddeningly complex and senseless much of the time, I find.” But most men were better at understanding them than I was.
“Oh, indeed,” said Richard. “You only follow them because of women, though. It’s either your mother or your wife or your mistress or some female or other, who has made it entirely plain that if you do not do as they say, there will be hell to pay.” He winced. “Oh, dear, apologies, Mrs. Darcy. That was a bit of a coarse way to put it. It is only that I feel at ease with you, I suppose, and I forget to watch myself.”
“I can quite bear it,” said my wife, eyes sparkling. “Anyway, women make these rules up for the purpose of excluding people. And they are purposefully vague because this makes it easier to twist them this way and that to use for one’s purposes. It is not actually about following rules, but it seems better to deny a person entry for that reason than it does to say…” She shrugged. “I’m afraid I do not know why it is that women exclude others.”
“Men are exclusionary, too,” I said. “It’s not only women. It seems to me, anyway, that exclusion is simply a necessary element to belonging. Think of it. If everyone was allowed in, belonging would be meaningless, because it would beeveryoneand it would be nothing different than simply existing. In order to belong, there must be exclusion. Without exclusion, thereisno belonging.”
“I had not thought of it that way,” said Elizabeth, tapping her chin. “Perhaps you are right. Perhaps exclusion is simply a dirty job that someone has to do.”
“Men use rules, though,” said Richard. “Easy to understand and very clear rules.”
“No, they do not!” I protested. “It’s all just as vague and mad. There are codes of honor. No one follows them. In fact, whilst speaking out of one side of one’s mouth that the code of honor should be followed, out of the other side of one’s mouth, one will be ridiculing a man for following it, claiming it makes him womanish or weak.”
“That’s the whole of the rules, really,” said Richard. “Strength wins. The end.”
I sat back, thinking that over. “Perhaps,” I said softly.
“You can substitute things for strength, like money or status or influence or even good looks, but you usually have to use those things to purchase strength, if you know what I mean. You trade on these things to get men who are strong to stand in for you,” said Richard. “And it is not that you are necessarily going to have some battle of strength with any of these men, just that, well, if you needed to, you could.”
I gave him a frankly horrified look. “Truly?”
“You don’t do this?” said Richard to me.
“No,” I said, thinking about it. “But it’s fascinating. Obvious. And I should have noticed.”
“Anyway, all exclusion is done by means of competition,” said Richard. “There is a competition of some sort, and whoever loses, he is excluded, and that is the way of it. But there is always that chance that you could go out and gather up more resourcesor skill and come back, and compete again, and this time, win your way back in. It’s much better than with women.”
“I don’t know,” said Elizabeth, thinking this over. “Maybe it’s the same thing with women. A competition. But it isn’t about strength.”
“What is it about, then?” said Richard. “Beauty? Charms?”
“No,” said Elizabeth, glaring at him. “Obviously a man would think it was about that. Men value that in women, but women only value it in the sense that it means that a woman has influence over a…” She sighed. “Oh, dear.”
