I wished, then, I had simply pushed the door closed on her. But no, I had not done that. Curse my intention to be honorable. Curse my concern for this woman’s feelings. Now, I would have to have this very awkward conversation. “You thought that I had intentions toward you.”
“You don’t.” This realization made her voice break.
I flinched. “Perhaps I see why you thought it, and I did not act with care when it came to you, and I was thoughtless and gave you leave to believe it. I should have realized how you would have interpreted my behavior, and I did not, not until it was too late. Then, I could have disabused you of the notion plainly, but I was a coward, and did not wish to have that conversation with you, and everything got worse.”
She shook her head. “No, you are simply pretending that you never did, because I know you did. I am certain you had intentions of my brother marrying your sister. I am positive. You asked me those questions that one evening we all spent together, asked me pointed things about what my brother said about your sister, and there is no other way to interpret that.”
I rubbed my forehead. Well, I had thought I was being subtle, but I clearly had not been at all. “It was a consideration, yes, Bingley for my sister. But it was not something I was set on, not even that. And I never, I promise you, I never considered a match between you and I.”
She went stiff.
“I am sorry, Miss Bingley. I can see that I was careless. I can see why you were confused and hurt. It is my error.”
She drew in a breath, and I could see she was thinking through a number of things, that she was putting it all together in her head. “So, then, it is a third thing, one I did not consider. You wanted a match for them, but you never… and you spent all that time with me and we had all those shared jokes and you danced with me—at the ball here, it was only me—”
“I danced with your sister as well.”
“Who is married already!”
“I was thoughtless,” I said. “I am sorry.”
“Right,” she said with a very tight smile. “Well, then. This conversation is an exercise in pain for us both. We shall simply end it.” She backed out of the doorway.
“I do apologize,” I said. “I really did not—”
“Please stop,” she said.
I bobbed my head.
She started to turn away, but then she turned back. “But her? You are not going to marry her?”
“The truth is, Miss Bingley, I have been betrothed to my cousin since practically the cradle.”
Her lips parted, and she took that in. Then, she gave me a very relieved smile. “Oh, I see. Oh, of course. What a fool I have been.” She turned on her heel and walked away.
I shut the door, resting my forehead against it, and I let out a long, low groan.
There were no more excuses. I would return to London immediately. I would no longer tarry in this place. It had become nothing but one punishment after another.
CHAPTER NINE
“You’re leaving?” Bingley caught up to me in the stables.
I was in the midst of negotiating having my trunk taken in a carriage, along with my valet, but I was going to ride on ahead myself. Now that I was decided, I wanted to be on my way immediately.
I turned to him, apologetic. “Yes, I am sorry for leaving without any notice, but I left you a letter—”
“I see that.” He waved it at me. His eyes were flashing.
I furrowed my brow. “You’re in a bit of a state.”
He chuckled sardonically under his breath and turned around and stalked right out of the stables.
I was startled. He rarely behaved that way, but then I thought it through. Bingley was not one for confrontations. He never had been. Why, it had been months of myself and his sister insulting him to his face, and he simply took it, always.
I took a deep breath and went after him.
He was ahead of me, walking back to the house, the November air whipping coldly against the both of us.
