“But that can’t be all we try,” she said. “We must think of some other ideas, for it’s unlikely to be the answer, I think.”
“True,” I said with chagrin. “Well, what about what you were saying? About this being a curse, and that we must mend our ways morally?”
“Oh, yes,” she said. “Well, it is foolish at this point. I said that you must stop being so arrogant and haughty, but I didn’t even know you when I said that. You are not even remotely haughty, Will. I think you give off that air, but it is mostly because you are terrified of people.”
I smirked. “Ah, yes, just as you are terrified of horses.”
“You gravitate to people who are better at conversing with others as a strategy to make up for your weaknesses, I think. Mr. Bingley or Colonel Fitzwilliam are both quite amiable, and you simply allow them to make your introductions?”
I nodded. “This is true.”
“If we had stayed for the ball again this evening at Tiewater, I would have undertaken this role for you,” she said. “I would have gotten you conversing with all sorts of people. If you went out socially with me, Will, you’d have a lively time.”
My lips parted as I looked her over, sensing the truth of this somewhere deeply inside. I had been wrong, hadn’t I, when I had said to Colonel Fitzwilliam that she would be an intolerable sort of wife. Indeed, she would be exactly the sort of wife I needed in those situations. She would make those dreadful balls and dinners bearable. She would bring sparkle and wit and impish fun into all the corners of my life.
No, you are only thinking this because you have been wishing to put your mouth on her mouth for quite some time,I scolded myself.You are even now hoping that you cannot make time march forward so that you can take her to bed. You think you are not that sort of man, Will Darcy, but you are exactly that sort of man.
“Oh, apologies,” she said. “I do not mind that we are not going to the ball, truly. I am quite agreeable to this course of action. Forget I said that.”
“No, do not apologize,” I said. “You are quite correct in that, I think.” I scratched the back of my head. “We can go back if you like? This afternoon?”
She shook her head. “No, the phase of fun is over, and we both know it.” She squared her shoulders, walking a bit faster into the April sunlight. “Now, as to my defect, perhaps we could see to that.”
“Your defect?” I scoffed. “You are not in any way defective.”
She might have blushed a little. “You are biased now, sir. One spends this many days in only one other person’s company and one begins to see them incorrectly.”
“No, on the contrary,” I said thoughtfully. “Truthfully, we should have gotten on each other’s nerves by now, don’t you think? We haven’t even quarreled.”
“We quarreled quite a bit at the beginning,” she pointed out.
“I will grant you that,” I said.
“Anyway,” she said, “my moral shortcoming is that I am far too hard on everybody and that I have exacting standards and—”
“Are you sure that’s you and not me?” I broke in.
She laughed, throwing back her head, and she was dazzlingly beautiful. “Oh, yes, I had forgotten. Your good opinion once lost is lost forever.”
“Quite,” I said. I had the urge to put my arm around her, not in a romantic way, but in the way of comrades, walking along in the spring morning together, to touch out of companionship. Of course, I kept my hands to myself.
“Elizabeth, you were only ever hard on me, I think. And I deserved it.”
“No, no,” she said, shaking her head. “It was a series of misunderstandings, that is all.”
“I did say that awful thing about you at the ball in Meryton,” I said regretfully. “That was your first impression of me, and it was not complimentary.”
“Well, your first impression ofmewas apparently not complimentary,” she rejoined with a glint in her eye.
I considered. “No, I did not look at you truly. There’s a line, from Shakespeare, you might remember? ‘I’ll look to like, if looking liking move’? I did not look to like.”
“Yes, and you were in a version of your own personal hell, a crowded and noisy room full of strangers, all of whom were whispering about you.”
I faltered in my step. “Whispering about me? What were they saying?”
“Oh, you were a rich and eligible bachelor, sir. You were ever so exciting.”
“So, what are we saying? The curse for moral reasons is not the answer?”
