Nat nodded. He’d told her as much earlier. But, hehadmarried herandhad a child. So, he must have really,reallyloved her.
‘She was beautiful and sophisticated, from aristocratic stock. Witty and charming and looked fantastic both in and out of my bed. All the things I looked for in a date. And then she accidentally fell pregnant – a failure of her contraception. So, I did the… honourable thing.’
‘Oh.’ A prickle ran up her nape as a sense of foreboding spread through her limbs. Alessandro seemed so far away and the memories so bitter.
‘And I was determined to make a real go of it. So, my life hadn’t gone exactly according to plan but I knew if we worked at it, we could succeed. We had a huge society wedding. Valentino, who, I have to say, never really liked her anyway, overheard her at the wedding talking to her best friend about how she’d trapped me. Had removed her implant and not told me and deliberately fallen pregnant because she’d wanted to marry a doctor. I told him he was mistaken and confronted her about it later, in the honeymoon suite.’
He glanced at her with bleak eyes, the rush and tumble of feelings swirling there plain to see. ‘She admitted it.’ His lips twisted into an ironic smile. ‘She looked straight at me and said, “But, darling, you wouldn’t have married me otherwise.” It was like the blinkers had been ripped away from my eyes and I could finally see the person Val had always seen. The cold, calculating socialite out to marry a doctor.’
Nat watched him closely as Alessandro fell silent, his brief, factual retelling betrayed by the turmoil in his sable gaze. To say she was horrified was an understatement. ‘I’msosorry,’ she murmured.
He nodded. ‘So, I told her it was going to be a marriage in name only. Which apparently suited her down to the ground. Initially anyway. We entered into this strange existence where we smiled publicly but slept in separate beds. And then Juliano was born and I was crazily busy at the hospital, working long hours, and she suddenly realised being married to a doctor wasn’t so glamorous after all.’
A hard laugh passed through stiff lips. ‘I think she thought I’d give up the emergency lark and become a Harley Street specialist.’
Nat shook her head. She’d known Alessandro for only a matter of days when she’d realised he was a gifted emergency physician.
‘She wanted a divorce. But she didn’t want to be the one to file. Wanted me to be the one to open the proceedings but I knew I’d never see Juliano again if I agreed, so I refused. As it was, she was already using him to get to me. Don’t get me wrong, she was a good mother and they had a close bond, but she deliberately alienated him from me. Rationing our already scant time together. Insisting I only speak English with him. And… I let her. I felt guilty about our relationship and it was easier to give in and play by her rules. Juliano was happy and healthy and loved. And work demanded so much of me. It was just… easier that way. I guess I turned into my father.’
He trailed off and Nat waited for him to start again. She sensed this was something he needed to get off his chest.
‘By the time she died, Juliano and I were relative strangers.’
Nat nodded. That explained the father–son void she’d come up against. Sitting on the edge of the bed she asked. ‘How did she die?’
‘A car accident. We’d argued and she’d squealed off in the flashBMWshe’d insisted I buy for her – another guilt gift.’
Nat shut her eyes. No wonder Alessandro had looked so wretched when she’d first met him. He obviously blamed himself for Camilla’s death. Guilt and remorse were powerful emotions. ‘What did you argue about?’
‘The divorce. What else? We didn’t argue often, I didn’t want that for Juliano. I didn’t want him to experience the type of childhood I’d known. It was easier just to give in to her. And Camilla was much too passive-aggressive for it anyway.’
He swallowed then and Nat’s heart went out to him. This was obviously difficult subject matter. But he was right – they needed to talk. To get this all out. ‘But we rowed that day. Icouldn’t believe I was in a marriage like my parents. She said she’d taken a lover and wanted to be free to marry again. I told her over my cold dead body and that I would fight her every inch of the way. Fight her for Juliano. That she’d made her bed and she was going to have to lie in it.’
He went silent and Nat finished the story for him. ‘So, she took off in the car and crashed it?’
His nod confirmed it and he looked so wretched, it was the most natural thing in the world to go to him. Rising, she went to his side, leaning her body in to him, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. ‘It wasn’t your fault, Alessandro.’
‘I know that. Rationally, I know that. But…’
Nat nodded, dropping another kiss in the same spot. ‘You’ve been beating yourself up about it anyway?’
He shrugged. ‘I looked on it as my punishment. For insisting on a marriage on paper only and then for keeping her in the marriage. A marriage neither of us wanted. If I’d only forgiven her and gone on from there. Tried to make a real go of it instead of drawing the battle lines right from the start. But I was proud and angry.’
‘It must have been hard.’
‘Yes. But, a lot of it was my own doing.’
His contrition was startlingly genuine. A man who had learned hard lessons, the hard way. ‘Hindsight is always twenty-twenty.’
‘I guess,’ he admitted grudgingly, looking down at her, holding out his hand. Nat smiled as she took it, interlocking their fingers. ‘Since her death, I’ve told myself that I don’t deserve to have love, to find love. That’s why I never let myself even think about my feelings for you. Becausethis—’ He pointed between them. ‘Finding someone I love and want to be with, findingyou, isn’t supposed to be my lot.’
He raised their joined hands and pressed a light kiss to the back of hers and Nat could see the reflection of her own love in his eyes and her heart fluttered.
Dare she hope it was true?
‘And then I saw Juliano in bed with you yesterday. You were asleep and he was stroking your head and telling you he wanted you to be his mummy and he loved you and you murmured, “I love you too,” and I realised that right in front of me was my whole world. You and him.’
Nat didn’t remember Juliano being in bed with her but smiled at the picture Alessandro painted. Her heart started to beat crazily as his words sank in. She wanted to believe him. But she was burned and wary.
