‘We’re… going to give it a bit more time.’
Uh oh.Sweeney didn’t like the sound of that.‘Mum.’
‘I know, I know. It’s okay. We’ll do it. We still have a couple of weeks before Fin comes home.’
Sweeney blinked, unsure she’d heard right. Becausewhat the what?‘Fin’s… going back to Ballyshannon?’
‘Oh. Yes. Sorry.’ Her mother sounded flustered. ‘I thought you guys talked. I thought you… already knew.’
They used to talk. Before they got fake engaged andrealnaked. ‘No, he never mentioned anything.’
So what the hell did that mean? That was a big move, and they might not have been super chatty in their FRG WhatsApp but she’d have thought he’d mention something that significant. Frankly, the fact he hadn’t kinda hurt.
Not that it was any of her business, of course, but … it hurt anyway. The dull ache in her chest picked up to a throb.
Was he waiting until he got back to Australia before he told her? Or maybe until he got his ducks in a row? Until he was sure of all the details? He was a details kinda guy. Or maybe he’d just assumed her mother would tell her.
‘That’s a… big move.’
‘It is. But there’s more.’
Her mother filled her in on Fin’s plans for a career change. Sweeney was both surprised and yet not surprised at all. He’d grown up in a household where signing was as natural as speaking, and she’d watched him through the lens of her camera during every training session, revelling in being able to communicate to Winnie onherterms.
Revelling in being able to teach the other kids on the team ways to communicate with Winnie so she’d felt welcome and included. He’d absolutely loved it and, after seeing him with the kids both on and off the pitch, she had no doubt he’d make an excellent educator.
‘That’s great,’ she enthused with a distinct lack of enthusiasm.
The news had added to her feelings of dissatisfaction. Fin had clearly decided to completely overhaul his life and just gone for it. He was doing exactly what she’d been toying with when she left Australia. Reinventing herself. Tapping into the joy that photographing the kids had brought her and becoming a different kind of photographer.
Sure, she had been taking more shots of people on her jobs, but squeezing it in around her main brief, not focusing solely on that or really taking her time to get the photos perfect. She had presented some of the better ones in her final portfolio of pictures to the clients, hoping they might choose a couple, but none had been interested.
And that had been dispiriting.
Then the doubts had crept in. To do it well she’d need to focus exclusively on portraiture, give herself a period of time to get really good at it, build up a portfolio, figure out if there was even a market for this kind of work. But then where would the money come from? No company paying her airfares. No commission money.
How would she pay her exorbitant New York city rent? There was just her. No second income to be a buffer while she went out andplayed.
But they were just excuses, right? Because she could move dozens of places cheaper than New York, and she could find part-time work in the travel space to cover her bills while she worked part-time on her passion. She was moping around as though she didn’t have any options, which was patently false.
She’d just chickened out because she’d been busy and in demand, which felt great, especially when the leap felt scary. But shecouldstill do it. Reinvent herself.
Like Fin.
‘Sweeney, darling?’ Her mother broke the lengthening silence. ‘Is… everything okay? Did something happen between you and Fin?’
The pain niggled again and Sweeney absently rubbed her chest. She opened her mouth to brush her mother off, but the overwhelming urge to confide in her, as she’d done so often before her father had died, drowned out the brush-off. She couldn’t physically lay her head on her mother’s shoulder and snuggle like she used to when she was a kid, but she could open up.
And, even knowing her mother could very possibly jump to the wrong conclusion, Sweeney suddenly, desperately,wantedto spill to the person who loved her most in the world.
‘We…’ She cleared her throat. ‘We slept together.’
There were several long beats of silence, then, ‘Oh. Kay.’
‘And now everything is ruined,’ Sweeney continued. ‘Nothing feels… right anymore. Everything is stilted and… weird between us and … the thought of getting on another plane and going somewhere else tomorrow makes me want to… throw up. But I love travelling and going new places, so what the hell isthatall about? And… I almost cried sailing around in the fjord today and I have no idea why.’
By the time she got to the end of her diatribe, Sweeney’s chest was so tight she thought she actually might be having a panic attack.
Her mother didn’t answer straight away. As if she knew her daughter needed time to catch her breath. ‘Darling…’ she said eventually, her voice very tentative. ‘Are you in love with Fin?’
