“I wasn’t thinking clearly.”
“Bullshit!You knew Gaviria.Fuck, you were even aware that he was associated with the PCC, and you still rushed to condemn me.God damn it, Evan.He went to high school parties and hooked up with underage girls.And you thought that was okay.”That didn’t matter to me any longer, not if what I suspected happened at those parties was true.Evan had been covering for Caprice.Right or wrong, he could figure that out on his own.
Scrubbing angrily at my own tears, I whispered the one question I needed answered.“Why didn’t you help me?”
“I can give you a dozen different excuses, Ali, but the truth is, I don’t know.I made really shitty decisions that day.God, I wish I could hit rewind and change—” Breaking off, he swallowed hard.“A lot of things.But I can’t.No matter what I say or how hard I try to atone for the mistakes I made, you’re never going to forgive me.Are you?”
A lump filled my throat, choking off my ability to breathe for a moment, because he was right.“No.”
He flinched but nodded.“I deserve that.”
“It’s not about what you deserve.I’ve made really bad choices lately too.We both messed up abysmally.It’s about trust and respect, and I have neither left for you.”
“Ali.”He gulped.His hands fisted at his sides, and I watched the emotions play over his face.Panic turned into acceptance, then came the grief that matched my own.He wanted to say more and even opened his mouth to speak, but he snapped it closed when the words wouldn’t come.
Watching him struggle, I admitted to myself that if there were a rewind button we could push, I’d make many changes too.But a different past made for a different future, and as much as I hurt right then, I was also happier than I’d been in a long time.And before the whole Gaviria situation had started, I’d been pretty damn happy.
Which proved to me what I’d known all along.I didn’t need Evan in any shape or form.Not as a friend, not as a brother, not even as an acquaintance.Did I still love him like family?Yes.Need him to survive?No.Ending our friendship was for my own mental health—and his, too, if he was honest with himself about it.I would hold a grudge about the locker-room incident and all the other information I’d discovered about him since then.It would make me not only petty, but toxic.
Resentment would fester and infect us both, which could end in any number of disasters.Perhaps not today or tomorrow or even next year.But it would grow until one of us snapped, and the destruction would be messy for everyone around us.
“I am so sorry, Ali,” he said with sincerity.
“Me too.”I echoed his regret.
Sixx
JULY
Other than travelingfrom one venue to another, we didn’t use tour buses when we were on continents other than North America.When Tainted Knights and the Blonde Bombshells toured in the US, we lived on buses.It was a loud, privacy-invading mess.That was why I preferred touring overseas.We spent more time in hotels, and when the bands weren’t busy, we got to do a lot of sight-seeing.
By the time I’d reached my teens, I’d already been to more than half the countries in the world.Dad tried to make it special for me by scheduling visits to jiu-jitsu gyms and schools, introducing me to many of the world’s leading BJJ professors.They all knew my mestre and gave me at least one lesson during our time together.
Many of them had students who participated in the youth world tournaments, and I’d gone up against them.Other than my first year competing, I hadn’t lost a single championship since I was five.That brought my mestre a lot of attention and sponsorships, something I was going to utilize for my own gain in the coming years.
As the summer progressed, I spent more and more time at the gyms that Dad arranged for me, even helping to instruct a few classes like I did back at home.I’d hated teaching when Mestre had originally pushed me to start doing it, but I reluctantly had to admit I enjoyed that part.Especially mentoring the more difficult students who struggled like I did with ADHD and anger issues.
“The more I think about the future, I don’t know if I want to pursue a career in fighting,” I admitted to Ali as we stretched out on the couch in the sitting room of the penthouse of the hotel at the latest tour stop.It was getting late, and all the bands were at the venue for that night’s show, giving me a rare evening alone with my girl since Caprice was out.
Twice during the last few weeks, Caprice had tried to talk to me about Ali.She thought I didn’t know who Gaviria was, or that I wasn’t aware of her own past relationship with that motherfucker.The first time she’d tried to have a heart-to-heart about it, I’d ignored her.The second time, though, she’d called Ali a cheating whore, and I’d shut that shit down fast before she triggered the collapse of my walls and I ended up in an Australian prison for murder.
“If you ever talk about my girlfriend like that again, you won’t have time to regret it, Caprice,” I’d told her, getting so close to her face I could see the way the fear affected her pupils.“I’ll tell Gray all about you spreading your legs for a teacher and that you should probably get a full-panel STI checkup.Or maybe you already did that on your own…”
“You wouldn’t!”she whined in that little-girl voice that usually got her parents caving to whatever she wanted.It didn’t work on me.Never had, never would.
“Try me,” I challenged.
“Well, if you tell my dad, I’ll say it never happened.And then I’ll tell everyone that Ali was the one messing around with her teacher.Plus, I’ll out your relationship to Uncle Jace,” she said with a smirk.
“Try it.See what happens.”
It wouldn’t matter what she said.For one, because her word held no credibility with Jace, Kin, or anyone else besides her parents.After Ali had told Bentley what she’d found out about his sister, Caprice held zero sway over him now as well.For another, even if someone were to believe her lies, Ali could prove her cousin wrong.
Because she was still a virgin.
It wasn’t like my daisy girl and I hadn’t done things.I always made sure Ali was taken care of, and she was so fucking good to me when she reciprocated.But we were waiting for the perfect moment to take that step.We had the rest of our lives together to make love, so there was no rush.
And lastly, I’d helped Sammy dispose of Gaviria’s body.I could and would use things I’d learned that day to make sure Gray believed me and not his spoiled daughter.There was a high chance Caprice had seen a medical professional for at least one sexually transmitted infection.
