Leaning forward, I rested my forearms on my knees.Evan remained on the floor, his sweatband askew while his eyes became vacant, no doubt replaying the shitty choices he’d made with the world’s most precious girl.In the course of a single afternoon, he’d changed the entire dynamic of his future with Ali.I watched as that realization hit him, witnessed the pain that filled his expression.All the blood drained from his face before it turned a sickly color, as if he might throw up.
Good.He deserved to feel a little of what Ali had been experiencing.That was his penance for not protecting her.
“Get up.I need to know who the hell this guy is.”
Ali
Thursday passed in a blur.My parents had a long weekend in Vegas planned with my godparents, something that was a kind of ritual for them right before a tour began for my rock star family.Mom and Aunt Lucy were as close as sisters, just like Abi and Hayat, and they needed a little extra bonding time before being separated for an extended period.
They left early Thursday morning and wouldn’t be home until Sunday evening.With them away and Abi still mostly zoned out with whatever drama she was experiencing, I locked myself in my bedroom.Thank fuck Hayat was there to take care of my sister.I was too deep in my own nightmares to be of much use to her.
Using the automated system, I called in sick so the school wouldn’t alert Mom and Dad to my absence both Thursday and Friday.I did my coursework via the online classroom portal to keep from falling even further behind.With Sixx’s help earlier in the week, I’d finally started getting caught up.After how accommodating my teachers had been, it would be stupid to give them a reason to regret their decision.
Mostly, I tried to pretend my world wasn’t collapsing around me.That lasted all of a day before I was on my knees in the bathroom, the consequences of my poor decision-making twisting my stomach until I was literally puking my guts out.
Fuck Gaviria and his threats.I didn’t care if he released those pictures and videos to the entire world.He would get what was coming to him one way or another.
And fuck Evan.I’d begged and pleaded the entire way home after what had happened in the locker room.He never once answered me, just sat in the driver’s seat looking pissed off.At me.As if I were the villain in what was happening with Gaviria.We were done.There was no going back for us.He wasn’t my brother any longer.Our friendship was officially over.He didn’t even ask about picking me up for school.There were no concerned texts to check if I was okay after what he’d witnessed his coach do to me.
With how shittily Evan had treated me following the locker-room incident, it wasn’t surprising that he didn’t bother to reach out.
Something broke in me that day.I’d never see Evan the same way again, and I grieved the end of a friendship that had been such a huge part of my life.We couldn’t go back to how things were before that moment.He’d irreparably shattered a part of my heart.
I’d been at my most vulnerable, on my knees in a pool of my own vomit, scared and alone.But instead of helping me, he’d accused me of wanting what Gaviria was doing.
I wasn’t blameless in what had happened—my eyes were wide open to my own faults.I had so many regrets, a million things that I would change if I had a second chance.But hitting rewind and correcting the errors I’d made wasn’t an option.
Without a doubt, I knew I had caused Evan pain as well, but he was the one who’d destroyed our connection.While I couldn’t go back in time to repair the damage I’d done, I could make damn sure I didn’t make the same mistakes again.One of the biggest was that I would never trust Evan again.
Oh God.He was going to tell Sixx, and he’d probably get a sick kind of thrill from it.Evan hated Sixx, and Sixx barely tolerated him.It used to bother me, the two of them making me feel like I had to choose.There’d never been a choice, though, not for me.Sixx came first, no matter the situation.
I didn’t try to call Sixx to attempt to counter what would happen, to put my own spin on it.There was no fucking spin.I only had the truth, and I knew Sixx would see it.Talking to him wouldn’t change anything.Where the sound of my voice would normally slow him down, calm him, in this situation, I was well aware it would more likely push him closer to the edge.
Except for the random texts from more unknown numbers, more gross messages from Gaviria, my phone stayed suspiciously silent.Sixx’s silence wasn’t unexpected.If he reacted the way he normally did to things that upset him this badly, he would keep as much distance between us as possible because of his fear of accidentally hurting me.
Once Evan told him what was going on, Sixx would do what Sixx did, and Evan would have to live with the consequences.Before, I would have tried to save Evan.Not now.He hadn’t saved me when I’d needed him, and I would not be responsible for saving him ever again.From the moment Evan spilled everything he knew to Sixx, I knew there would be no way of stopping what came next.
All the weeks of trying to protect the boy I loved would be for nothing.
That realization kept me on my knees in the bathroom, emptying my stomach until I thought I would pass out.
No one came to check on me, and like the coward I was, I didn’t call anyone to see how much damage Sixx had caused.
On Friday, I briefly heard a commotion from Abi and Hayat, but I barely had the strength to lift my head.I’d been camped out in the bathroom for more than twelve hours at that point, my head pillowed on the rim of the bathtub.The coolness of the porcelain felt good on my skin, the one small mercy I’d been granted.I had a crick in my neck, and my legs had gone numb sometime before dawn.Every inch of my body hurt, especially my heart.
A sudden ping hit my phone.Weakly, I reached for it.
Sixx: I’m going to fix this.And then I’m coming home to you.I love you.
All the air whooshed out of me.A tiny flicker of hope gave my heart a small jolt of adrenaline.
Me: Please come over now.I’m scared.For you.I can’t lose you.You’re the only good thing in the whole world.Don’t take any risks.Don’t leave me.Nothing matters but us.You’re all I have.All I want.I love you.
After hitting send, I waited for a response.One minute ticked into two.Then three.Ten.No notification that my message was delivered.He’d turned his phone off again.
I tried one more time.
Me: I need to know you’re safe.It’s the only reason I didn’t say anything about what was happening.If I lose you, life will be pointless.Please don’t leave me.Please, Sixx.I’m not okay.I AM NOT OKAY AND I NEED YOU!
