Shuddering at the thought, I tightened my arms around the pillow.I wasn’t too young to remember when Maddie had been placed in a mental health rehabilitation facility.She’d nearly succeeded in ending her own life.
Afterward, Banks had been a mess.He was an honorary family member and a good friend.I’d watched part of him fade from the near miss.He was the one who’d found his sister, forced her to puke up the bottle of pills she’d just swallowed, and called 9-1-1.
As traumatic as that incident was for Maddie, I wasn’t sure if anyone understood that Banks had been irrevocably changed from the experience as well.Their family did the whole therapy thing, individual and group sessions.Hayat and Abi were included in some of Maddie’s sessions because they were so close.
Evan and I were mostly on the periphery of it all, close enough to the group that it was emotional and scary.Yet not so involved that anyone felt like we needed extra counseling.By that point, all us kids had been in therapy already.
Having celebrity parents, being followed around by paparazzi, and having no anonymity in most public settings messed with a person’s psyche.It was a precaution in hopes of staying one step ahead of any mental health struggles.
Banks went to therapy, and he sat through the family sessions.He showed up for his individual appointments.It looked like he was just going through the motions to me.I could see him sinking.Not so deep that he was drowning, but his face was the only thing above water.I never doubted that Aunt Trin and Jarrett cared about his well-being, especially Trin.She loved her adopted children so much.She was just too distracted with everything else to see all the pieces of the puzzle.
Maybe I was the only one who saw it, because I wasn’t as invested in Maddie’s outcome as everyone else.She and I had never been close.I’d kept a distance between us because something in my gut never fully trusted her.Banks was in my top-five closest friends, and that was primarily because, like Evan, he was always around when Aunt Trin and Jarrett had first gotten married.I’d bonded with him, unlike with his sister.
For whatever reason, I’d seen that Banks wasn’t actually getting any valuable help from therapy, though.His spark was no longer there, fading more and more each time I saw him.It was like he was hiding his not being okay from everyone, including the doctors and counselors, so that no one worried about him.
And because the focus was primarily on Maddie and Avalyn since she was a baby, no one saw the red flags.I tried to ask him about it once, and he’d emphatically told me to drop it—even as I saw the gratitude flicker in his eyes.His silent thank-you for acknowledging his struggle, despite not wanting to address it.
I dropped it because I could see that pushing the matter would make it worse for him.
And now I understood it so much more clearly.His not being okay.Not wanting people to see his internal fight, while silently begging someone to notice.Just for a minute, I needed to unload some of the weight I was carrying.A small reprieve from all the pressure that continued to build.
Uncle Luca had already been a sort of mentor to Banks, but not long after I’d asked my friend how he was really doing, they’d begun growing closer.Banks had started hanging out more with Luca and his family, and Luca had started privately coaching him to get him ready for high school football.
Which would eventually turn into college football and hopefully pro ball at some point.While Luca had been the GOAT defensive NFL player to date, Banks was a quarterback.Not that their positions mattered.My honorary uncle was almost as good a coach as he’d been a player, and he’d been the best there ever was, in my opinion.
Football and Luca helped Banks more than any of the therapy he’d taken.He started to get that light back, but even years later, a dimness still lingered.Not dark, but definitely nowhere close to the light he’d once glowed with.His relationship with Maddie became strained after her attempt to permanently delete herself.That was something else no one talked about.Or maybe they didn’t notice.Everyone still kind of tiptoed around the situation, and if I was honest, that pissed me off.
Banks was the one always falling through the cracks.Aunt Trin and Jarrett could only do so much.Their hands were full, and rationally, I knew that.With Maddie.With Avalyn.With work and life and all the adult things.But from the ten-year-old’s perspective I’d had back then, I kind of blamed Trin and Jarrett.And if I let myself think about it deeper, I blamed Maddie too.
Not just a little, but with my whole heart.As I got older, I began to see that was probably unfair to her.My innocent-child blinders began to fade, and I truthfully didn’t know how I would have handled any of the crap she had been through.Yet I still didn’t trust her.Something in my gut always held me back from trying to get closer to her.While I considered Banks another honorary cousin, I didn’t extend that to his sister.
Fuck, I was sitting there sweating over my own bullshit while blaming other people for things that weren’t even part of my situation.Even my own mind was deflecting, getting upset about past drama when I needed to be focused on how to sort out my own messes.
I needed a plan.
First, I would find out who the unknown caller/texter/stalker was.
Second, I’d figure out how to make them destroy the videos and pictures of me.I was fifteen, and that would make the content they possessed of me an even bigger crime than just filming me without my consent.But if I called the cops, everything would blow up in exactly the ways I didn’t want it to.Briefly, I considered calling Mieke.She was a freaking IT genius, and if anyone could hack and erase the material, it was her.
Getting her involved, however, meant Aunt Emmie would more than likely find out.She wouldn’t keep this crap from my parents, and then it would spread among the Tainted Knights guys because Dad could not keep a secret.He was so bad at it, we’d made our own memes with his picture from the time Aunt Lucy had taken a photo of him spilling a huge secret to Uncle Harris.And that would mean Sin finding out, then Roanna and the other Blondes.Once they knew, they wouldn’t keep it from Sixx.
Ugh!This was such a clusterfuck.
Taking a deep breath, I got back to making my mental to-do list.First, find the creep.Second, figure out how to delete the content of me, especially that disgusting shower video.Third, pass the semester so I could go on tour with my parents and Sixx.Fourth, figure out what had happened to Abi.
Not necessarily in that order.It was a to-do list.I’d cross off the tasks as I completed them.
Simple.
Ah, fucking hell, I was so screwed.
Ali
Monday,I tried to watch the people around me in hopes of finding some clue as to who might be the unknown stalker.I moved through the halls, trying to be stealthy.Each time I stopped at my locker, I would take a little longer than usual, peeping around the door to scan the surrounding area to see if anyone was watching me.At lunch, I sat with my back to the wall at my usual table, pretending to eat while scanning the cafeteria.
Evan was seated across from me, trying to make conversation with me and our friends.It was mostly basketball players and cheerleaders, people we saw all the time.None of them gave me the ick, and there wasn’t a single one of them who would dare cross any kind of line with me.They’d all met Sixx, who came to the games that I cheered at.Being on the receiving end of his cold stare was enough warning for even the stupidest boy to heed.
It was while I was shoving a chip into my mouth that I finally felt the prickle of unease.I absently played with the torn edge of the yellow bag of salty goodness, popping the occasional piece of chocolate into my mouth with another chip.My skin began to crawl, the sensation of being watched hard to ignore.Slowly, I leaned forward, pretending to listen to whatever Neo and Ophelia were whispering about.I didn’t hear a single word, though, my eyes skimming over the crowd until they collided with…
