“I would never have married him if I hadn’t been pregnant,”Mom said. “He was never the one I wanted. No ambition. So meek and mild-mannered. I had to push him every step of the way or he’d never have become a high school principal.”
Then why are you so devastated that he wants a divorce?
“I did everything right. And look how it’s all turned out.” Mom’s needles clicked away.
“David said the same thing to me after Marigold died.”
“Did he?” Mom asked.
“Yes. Almost exactly.” David had stuck to his promise to marry Marigold even though he loved someone else.
“And you, dear daughter, haven’t done anything right. Not one single thing. And look how wonderful everything’s turned out for you.”
Lisa blinked. She fiddled with the collar of her sweater. Was it possible her mother was jealous of her life? Before the film and television success had come, Mom had always acted as if Lisa’s dreams were impossible to achieve. She’d belittled them or acted patronizing.
David, though? He was her golden boy. A rising star at his architecture firm back in Iowa. He’d married what their mother had thought was the perfect woman. They’d had two beautiful children. Whereas Lisa had gone to New York and then LA. She’d gone after her dreams, and they’d come true. Then, like the topping on a fancy New York cupcake, she’d found Rafael.
Rafael. Her mother didn’t think he was the perfect man for her. But Lisa couldn’t care less about her opinion. She knew Rafael was the love of her life, her soul mate. He’d pieced her back together after tragedy. He was the one who had shown her how Mom wanted to keep her small because she didn’t want Lisa to leave her. But maybe it was that she was jealous. Lisa had a life so different from her mother’s. Maybe that was the problem.
“You’ve gotten it all,” Mom said. “You haveeverything I wanted. Money. Travel. Beauty. Even David. And now your dad. They’ve chosen you and your fancy life.”
“Their choices have nothing to do with me. They’re trying to find what they need and want.”
“And it’s clearly not me. Did you know Laine didn’t even know me? Those kids are going to grow up without even knowing what I did for all of you. How I’ve sacrificed.”
“What do you want, Mom? Without delving into everything you didn’t get, what do you want now?”
“What do I want?” Her needles slowed and then stopped. “I want a do-over.”
“What does that mean exactly? A trip to Paris?”
For the first time, her mother looked up at her. “What would I do in Paris?”
“You said you wanted to travel.”
“I didn’t say that,” Mom said.
“You did. Just now.”
“We never had the money or the time. It was always about you kids.”
“I have money now,” Lisa said. “I could rent an apartment in Paris for you. You could stay for a year and travel all over Europe. See all the art you wanted to see before you had us.”
Mom simply stared at her as if she had grown two heads.
“You’re free now,” Lisa said.
“You’d do that for me?”
“I’d do anything to make you happy. I’ve just never been able to figure out how.”
“You’ve always been an overachiever. You got that from me. Making me happy has never been your job. That’s the part you never understood.”
“But you’ve always been so critical of me. I never do anything right in your eyes.”
“I’m not critical of you. I’ve dedicated my life to making you the best version of yourself that you can be.”
“It’s felt like criticism.”
