“The last several decades, I’ve become adept at shutting him out. So much so that I’ve managed to . . . stifle theconnection. Think of a pipe that is so clogged that only a small amount of water can get through. But this demon — Velisara — she was able to . . . revive the sire bond. Throw it wide open so my father would have full access to my mind whenever he chooses. I can no longer block him out.”
At his words, my stomach bottomed out, and the blood drained from my face.
“That is why I haven’t spoken to you since we left Dorthus.” He closed his eyes, face pained. “It is not safe for you to be around me. Foranyof you to be near me.”
A muscle feathered in Kaden’s jaw, and it took all my self-control not to reach for him. “I cannot know what you are planning. Anything you tell me, anything I overhear, could lead my father’s demons right to you. Even knowing about Körkis poses a huge risk.”
“But we’re all here now,” I protested, trying to understand why he would not talk to me if he already knew our location.
He nodded. “Which is why I asked Gertrude to remove my memories of our journey.”
My eyebrows rose. The old fae could do that?
“I have half a dozen safe houses nearly identical to this one scattered throughout the Oranthan Mountains. Same layout. Same furnishings. I know we are somewhere along the east side of the mountains, near the Drathen coast, and now that I know about Alfrigg’s attack, it’s easy to guess we are a few hours’ flight to Körkis. If my father were to scour my mind for the exact location of that particular safe house . . .”
He trailed off, and my stomach clenched.
Adriel had been right. We should have kept moving.Semphrys’s demons could be just outside our door, and we’d have no warning before they attacked.
“Can you tell when he’s . . . accessing your mind?” I asked, throat suddenly dry.
“I don’t know. I haven’t felt him since we left, but I do not take that as a good sign.”
Kaden didn’t need to explain what he meant. If the sire bond was open and hehadn’tfelt his father, it could mean that Semphrys had unfettered access to his thoughts without Kaden even being aware.
“That is why I’ve been keeping my distance.”
“I understand,” I whispered. But I didn’t. If he’d just told me about the connection, I could have made sure he didn’t overhear any details that might give away our location. “You could have told me,” I said, my chest squeezing as I prepared to expose myself to him. “You didn’t have to be up here all alone.”
He shook his head. “I don’t mind being alone. It’s safer for you that way.”
Face heating, I pressed my fingertips into the blanket, wishing I hadn’t spoken. After all he’d been through, all he’d endured to protect me, I was probably the last person he wanted to see.
“Right,” I grumbled, rolling to my knees and preparing to leave him in peace.
“It’s not that I didn’twantto be with you,” he added.
My gaze flicked up to meet his, heart lifting with a surge of hope that was almost painful.
“The bond with my father . . . I don’t know the limitations of it. I don’t know if —” Kaden broke off, looking disgusted.
“If what?”
He shook his head with a growl of frustration, shoving his fist into the mattress. Then he laughed — a cold, mirthless sound that raised the hairs along the back of my neck.
“You can tell me, Kaden,” I said in a low voice. “You don’t need to protect me from the truth. I can handle it.”
Kaden swallowed, and when he met my gaze, his eyes were filled with a raw terror. “I didn’t tell you before because I knew you’d act this way. Knew you’d stand by my side, even when my mind and soul are wide open to the fucking demon king.”
“And that’s a bad thing?” My throat burned with emotion, my face so hot I thought it might combust. My heart was a frantic drumbeat in my chest, and there was no point in trying to hide how I felt. We could both hear how fast it was beating.
“No, ofcoursenot.” He looked away and dragged a hand through his hair. “But you can’t trust me, Lyra. Even if I feel like myself and sound like myself, I — am not —me. With that fucking sire bond, I have no idea what he could compel me to do.”
Kaden threw out a dismissive hand. “He could force me to sit here and tell you all the right things — make you believe that you are safe. He could make me hold you, love you, and then put a dagger through your heart. Compel me to strangle you in your sleep.”
When he met my gaze, his eyes blazed with such intensity that I almost had to look away. “Ever since he took me prisoner, I have thought of nothing else except getting back to you. The only thing that kept me going in that place was remembering how you feel in my arms. How sweet you taste.”
Kaden reached up to cup my chin, his thumb brushingover my bottom lip. “But you cannot trust me, Lyra. Not as long as my father draws breath.”
