I open my mouth to argue that I’m notlively, but I snap it closed again. To be honest, I have more energy than I should considering I got my back blown out for most of the night. Every time I dozed off, he’d wake me up for another round, until I lost count.
“A good dicking does wonders for the soul.” I shrug. “And I guess I’m just… happy.”
The word hangs in the air between us before Tobias opens his mouth to say something. I quickly slap my hand over his mouth and shush him, shaking my head.
“Please don’t ruin it,” I beg. “Just a few more minutes, then you can go back to being a pain in the ass.”
His eyes narrow, and he presses a kiss to my palm before pulling my hand away. “Why do you always assume I’m going to be a giant dickhead?”
I snort a laugh before I realize he’s serious. “Um, because you’re the king of assholes. No one does it better than you, sir.”
He shakes his head and rolls to face me, laying on his side. The intensity of his gaze has my insides fluttering, but I try to ignore it. It’s unfair how I instantly turn to mush around Tobias. A crime, really.
“Tell me you hate it,” he says, his voice flat.
“I hate it.”
“Now, tell me without lying.”
Heat creeps up my neck, and I press my lips together firmly.
Does he get on every one of my nerves without apology? Yes. Do I want to punch him in the throat sometimes? Sure. But when he was dying in front of me,and I thought I’d never hear his snark again, something in me broke.
The truth, which we both know, is that I don’t hate him at all.
“That’s what I thought.” He smirks, knowing he has me pinned. His hand comes up to cup my cheek, and I close my eyes at the touch. Something about his hands on me always feels sorightin a way I can never explain.
Whatever this is between us, it’s too perfect for me to run from or pretend like it’s nothing. When I open my eyes again, he’s still staring at me, a furrow of concern formed between his pinched brows.
“What?”
“Your energy is weird,” he admits softly. “What is it?”
Fuck. He might as well be reading my mind for how well he picks up on the shifts in my mood.
“It’s…” The word trails off as my mind spirals.
I don’t even know what it is, besides a jumble of confusing thoughts and emotions. Conflicting feelings. Hypotheticals.
He squeezes my chin gently to get my attention.
“Joseline,” he says, the word cutting through the white noise in my head.
I sigh. “I don’t know. I just… what are we doing?”
His features contort with confusion. “Laying in bed. Are you okay?”
“No shit. I mean… what arewedoing?” I gesture between us. “What is this? Another one-night stand that we pretend didn’t happen? Some weird frenemies situation?” A weight sinks in my stomach, and mymouth goes dry. “If I’m honest, I don’t think I can do that.”
A muscle in his jaw ticks, and his hand falls away from my face. For a moment, he just stares at me like I’ve said something wrong. Tense seconds drag by, and my skin flames.
“What do you want?” he finally asks.
I shake my head firmly. “You first. What do you want, Kaseilon?”
At his name, he tenses, something dark flickering behind his eyes. He shifts closer, propping himself up on his elbow so he’s looking down at me. The hint of a smile lifts the corner of his mouth, but it disappears right after.
“This isn’t at all how I wanted to have this conversation, but since we’re here…” He drags a hand over his face. “I’m not good, Joseline. I live my life in the shadows, with masks and disguises. I can’t give you the life you deserve.” His voice is raspy, his words perfectly calculated, like he’s practiced this speech to himself a hundred times. “Anything you could have with me would be constrained, limited. You can’t want that.”
